


Secrets under Sunshine

by otp_tears



Category: Free!
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Future AU, Hand Jobs, M/M, Manipulative Makoto, Rough Sex, Slow Burn, Yandere Tachibana Makoto, yandere makoto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 21:52:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3994204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otp_tears/pseuds/otp_tears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin and his daughter move in with Makoto after Sousuke dies. Makoto helps Rin overcome his grief, and they gradually become a family. After his wounds heal, Rin falls in love with Makoto. However, there are things about Makoto Rin never knew and they could destroy the happiness he found.<br/>(idea from a tumblr prompt)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I took a lot of liberties with the setting and Japanese daily life. The frequent time jumps isn't my usual writing style but consider it an experiment. Since this writing is for fun, my editing is lenient...but I did have a friend beta read for me to catch most of my errors.
> 
> I am so sorry about Sousuke. Really. I love him. But I think using Sousuke instead of an unknown wife character makes Rin's grief a bit easier to grasp...

**Prologue**

Rin first fell in love as a child. With an Olympic goal in mind, his life became swimming pools, chlorinated friendships, and competitions. He was 23 when he realized he had fallen in love for a second time. Long conversations, breathless laughs, and the comfortable silences shared with Sousuke blended into slow kisses, soft touches, and two matching rings.

Rin fell in love a third time at age 28. This love strengthened the second and made everything before seem less important. It came with 2:00 am feedings, 2:00 pm naps, tiny pink clothing in the laundry basket, and a smile that melted Rin’s heart. Their Tokyo apartment for two felt a little smaller with three, but so much brighter.

Six months and a devastating storm later, the apartment became too empty for just Rin and their daughter.

 

* * *

**Chapter One**

Rin rescued the shark from the floorboard and tucked it into the backpack at his feet. He hoped Noriko’s unexpected nap would take her mind off of her favorite toy until he could clean it. A taxi’s floor probably had more germs than he was willing to introduce her to.

When the taxi slowed and stopped, Rin glanced out the window at the houses pressed together. One would be their new home. He released Noriko’s seat from the restraints and gathered the backpack. With both in tow Rin stepped out into the damp and familiar Iwatobi air.

While the driver unloaded his luggage, Rin studied the grass along the curb and adjusted the strap of his backpack. Noriko stirred but not enough to wake. Silence clung to the air, thick enough to press down Rin’s shoulders. It wasn’t the home coming he had pictured.

He paid and thanked the driver, checked the address a third time, grabbed his luggage, and hauled it and Noriko’s car seat up the steps. The house looked much larger than described and Rin worried he had incorrectly written down the address. It wouldn’t be the first or last mistake. Rin hadn’t been able to think straight for two months.

Before he reached the top, the door opened and Rin stopped. For a moment he and Makoto only looked at each other. Rin knew Makoto had been at the funeral, but after Sousuke’s death Rin’s memory became unreliable. He remembered accepting Makoto’s invitation back to Iwatobi with a promise thate he’d only be in the way for a few months, but any conversation outside of that was unclear. Surely he had spoken with Makoto in between, but in the moment he felt as if he hadn’t seen or heard from him in years.

Makoto smiled first and said, “I didn’t know you had arrived, or I would’ve greeted you.”

Relief tinged with happiness broke through the fog from the day of travel. Rin breathed out something that almost resembled a laugh. “Flight was early.”

Makoto jogged down the steps and took Rin’s bag from him. “You should’ve let me pick you up at the airport.”

“I told you, you’re already doing enough.”

Makoto leaned down just enough to see Noriko sleeping. He smiled warmly at her anyway before he straightened and offered Rin a smaller smile. “I’m glad you made it. Come in.”

Rin followed Makoto into the house and into the living room tucked behind the stairs. It opened into the kitchen and garden.

“Some boxes arrived yesterday.” Makoto stood nearby and let Rin unload his backpack and car seat. “I put the ones labeled ‘bed room’ in your room and ‘Noriko’ in hers.” He rubbed his arm and hunched his shoulders. “Um. I wasn’t sure where to put the one marked ‘Sousuke’ so I left it in the upstairs hallway.”

Ignoring the unspoken question, Rin sat on the floor and unbuckled Noriko. She stirred again and protested, but stilled with a sigh. “You’re giving a baby an entire room? You don’t have to waste so much space on us.”

“It isn’t a waste, and she won’t be a baby forever.”

Rin looked up at Makoto’s usual gentle smile tinted with a hint of sympathy. Too tired to argue about the agreed “only for a few months” arrangement, he nodded and turned his attention back to his napping daughter.

“I’m surprised you accepted my invitation,” Makoto said. His voice sounded softer and a little further away, but Rin couldn’t be sure if it was Makoto or the haze of grief that caused the change.

“Gou said we could move in with her and Seijuro, but they’re both busy with their careers. Besides, I wanted out of Tokyo after—” he stopped short and lifted a shoulder. “After everything.”

Makoto nodded in understanding. “Well. I’m less busy and I have too much space, so I’m glad this worked out.”

“Yeah. This house is huge, Makoto. You said it was from family, but why’d you take something someone even as big as you couldn’t fill?”

Makoto laughed and shook his head. “I thought about selling, but my grandparents wanted me to have it. Even if it’s too big, I’ll make it work.”

“They expected you to have a large family someday?”

“I guess so. Not that I would object to one, but, well.”

“Life?”

“Yeah. Life.”

Noriko woke with a gurgle and stretched her legs. Makoto knelt beside Rin and offered her one of his sunshine smiles. Rin couldn’t handle the natural joy Makoto radiated so he shifted to the side and observed the two. Noriko stared at Makoto, studying him in awed silence for a few moments before she giggled and reached for him.

Rin scoffed. “Why do all children like you?”

“It’s a gift.” Makoto lifted her out of the seat and she immediately gripped onto his shirt with one hand and touched his nose with the other.

“I hope you know how to change a diaper.”

“Of course I do,” Makoto answered Rin but the silly faces he made for Noriko continued uninterrupted.

“Good. You’re on permanent diaper duty.”

“That’s why I invited you.” Makoto gave Rin a smile so bright even Makoto closed his eyes. “Diaper duty should be split among at least two.”

It was meant to be nice, Rin knew that, but the reminder that he had become a single father tightened the invisible vice around his ribcage. “Yeah,” he forced out with a smile he feared would look too much like a grimace.

Makoto noticed and softened his smile. A silent apology. “Well, Noriko,” he addressed the young girl. “What toys did daddy bring you? I bet nothing as good as the toys in your room.”

“Her favorite shark needs a quick wipe down. It’s in the backpack.”

“A shark for a baby, Rin?”

Rin chuckled but offered no excuse.

“Well, we can clean up the shark, can’t we, Noriko?” Makoto picked up the backpack and looked at Rin. “Come on. I’ll show you around. Then I’ll watch Noriko so you can shower and take a nap.”

Rin sighed. The invitation sounded great.

 

* * *

Rin woke slowly. For one disorienting moment he didn’t know where he was. The green dresser wasn’t one he knew, the sheets smelled like soap he didn’t use, and Noriko hadn’t disturbed his sleep.

He sat up and looked around the guest room. Makoto had been kind enough to drag in some furniture. When Rin decided to move, he had sold or left behind almost everything he had purchased with Sousuke. Each scratch or dent would only serve as a reminder of their future that had ended too soon.

Rin stood and opened the door. From downstairs he heard peals of laughter from Noriko and the deep murmur of Makoto’s voice. Both were familiar sounds that eased the vice around his ribcage for a moment.

With a deep breath, he went downstairs and found the two in the kitchen. Noriko sat in a high chair that wasn’t the one he had shipped with the rest of their belongings, and Makoto stood on the other side of the table with a cutting board and vegetables spread out in front of him.

Makoto spotted him and waved, blasting Rin with one of his smiles. “Were you able to sleep?”

“Yeah.” Rin pulled out a chair at the table and sat down beside Noriko. She babbled happily and offered him a part from her smashed banana. “Thank you,” he said and chomped around all of her fingers. She screamed with laughter and kicked her feet.

“She’s a very happy kid,” Makoto remarked.

“Yeah.” Rin kissed her fingers and released her hand. She immediately picked up another soft banana slice from her tray and offered it to him to repeat their game.

“I was going to start dinner,” Makoto said. “Do you have a special request?”

“You can cook?” Rin dropped Noriko’s fingers from his mouth. “Really? Since when?”

“Haru and my mother wore me down, so I took lessons during university. I can cook well enough to get by. I can promise we won’t starve, but don’t expect too much from me.”

“Between the two of us, we’ll be fine.”

“So Rin can cook too?”

Rin took the next offered banana part with his fingers. “Sousuke taught me.”

Makoto looked like he had just forced a kitten outside in the rain. He understood he had inadvertently jabbed Rin’s open wound. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Rin said. They couldn’t spend every moment avoiding the topic. “It’s been two months. I’m okay.”

“I know you loved Sousuke. It isn’t easy to move on from that.”

Rin rubbed his eyes. He was still too tired to have such a discussion. “Where are you working now? I know you left Tokyo last year.”

“Two years ago, actually,” Makoto corrected with a smile as if the emotional drop in conversation hadn’t happened. “I’m at Iwatobi SC Returns.”

“With Coach Sasabe?”

“Yes.”

“But you were working with more advanced students—ones who could go onto The Olympics. Why did you come back here?”

“I like Iwatobi. Coaching kids with big dreams was fun, but it’s the young ones I feel I make the most difference with, and that matters more to me.”

“I’m sure some Olympic hopefuls miss you.”

Makoto laughed. “Maybe. And what about you? Are you still retired?”

“Yeah. After Sousuke convinced me on the idea of kids, I understood what changed my dad’s dream. Besides, I had already reached the Olympics twice. I retired without regrets.”

“Do you miss it?”

Rin watched Noriko smash the rest of the banana slices under her hands. “No.”

“That’s good. If you want to try coaching, I’m sure we could find you a spot at ITSC Returns.”

“I’d rather just be a dad right now.”

“I understand. The offer will be there if you ever change your mind. Having the famous Matsuoka Rin as a coach would be an honor.”

Rin laughed. “Have you extended the same offer to Haru?”

“I have, but Haru isn’t retired.”

“Ah. Right.”

Makoto sliced through a zucchini. “I haven’t set up Noriko’s room. We’ll need to do that before bedtime.”

“It’s fine. I’ve had her sleeping with me.”

“In your bed?”

“It’s just.” Rin rubbed the back of his neck. “I got used it. Noriko used to only sleep if she was between us, and Sousuke let her stay even after she started to sleep easier on her own.”

“Cribs are safer for her age.”

“I know. I’ll get over it, but not right now.”

Makoto looked prepared to argue, but he let Rin have his way with a smile and nod. “Okay.”

 

* * *

Noriko fell asleep just after eight that evening. Rin spread a futon on the floor in his room for her and joined Makoto downstairs in the living room. “Don’t expect every bedtime to be so easy.” He sat down on the other end of the couch. “Noriko was probably worn out by travel and all the attention you gave her.”

“I couldn’t help it.” Makoto grinned sunshine at Rin, and Rin had to avert his gaze. “I’m sure she won’t be a problem. Do you want tea?”

“I’d like a beer.” Rin’s request was met with a chuckle and a sheepish shrug. Rin smiled. “Of course you wouldn’t have alcohol.”

Makoto shrugged and set aside his book. His expression sobered and Rin prepared himself for the question he had heard too much during the past two months.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m fine.”

“You seem distracted and that’s okay, but don’t forget that I’m here so you can be distracted. Tell me what you need, Rin.”

Rin needed a time machine, but even Mr. Sunshine and Happiness himself couldn’t change the past. “Thanks, Makoto. I’ll try and remember that.”

“What—what really happened to Sousuke?”

Rin looked away and focused on the spot of dust in the corner.

“We don’t have to discuss it,” Makoto continued after the silence stretched on. “But they say talking about how it happened helps with the grieving process.”

“You sound like Gou.”

“Not surprising. We’ve talked recently. She’s worried about you,” Makoto whispered. “I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about it.”

“It’s fine. He was on his way home after his shift. It was raining. They say he slipped and fell into the river.” Rin pushed his fingers into his hair. He felt the sting of tears but blinked them away. He hadn’t allowed himself to cry after the first night alone, and he wasn’t going to break that rule only hours after he entered Makoto’s home.

“He probably hit his head on a rock and lost consciousness,” Rin continued. “How else could he have drowned in four feet of water? On most nights, I met him and walked him home, but I didn’t want to take Noriko out in the storm that night. Sousuke said it was fine, but if I had been there then—”

“You shouldn’t think like that.”

Rin sighed. His eyes burned and the lump in his throat hurt. “I know.”

“I wish the circumstances were different, but I’m glad you’re here, Rin.”

“Me too.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The updates will eventually slow to once a week, but I wanted the first few chapters out this weekend :)

**Chapter Two**

Rin trailed behind Makoto through the aisles. Makoto shifted Noriko to his other hip and chose a shampoo from the shelf. He offered it to Rin. “Is this one okay?”

Rin frowned at the bottle. The teal color too closely resembled a set of eyes he’d never see again. “It isn’t the same brand,” he complained and hoped Makoto wouldn’t argue that brand loyalty is silly and he should just choose the best one, but Makoto frowned at the bottle and placed it back on the shelf with a quiet apology.

“How about the pink one instead?”

“Fine.”

Makoto added the pastel pink bottle to the basket in Rin’s hand. “Is there anything you need?”

“From a baby store? No.”

“I meant from town, but we could get you a stuffed animal from here. Although Noriko might prefer the treat.”

“Tch. You’re going to spoil her, aren’t you?”

“There’s no such thing, is there, Noriko?” Makoto’s smile earned him a giggle.

“I bet once she can eat ice cream, you’re going to buy her one every day.”

“I need someone to split an ice pop with, and you don’t like sweets.”

Rin chuckled. “Whatever.” He paused and sent another glance at the teal bottle before he caught up with Makoto in the next aisle. Noriko held a plastic cat in her hands. “Spoiling her,” Rin muttered.

“I stepped too close to the shelf and she grabbed it,” Makoto defended with panic in his voice. He looked absolutely stricken to take the toy away from Noriko. “I’m sorry, Noriko. I bet your daddy has your shark, though.” He turned his pleading gaze onto Rin, and Rin shrugged off the backpack to find the toy in question.

“Here you go.” Rin presented the cleaned toy. “Crisis averted.”

Noriko forgot about the cat and reached for the shark. Makoto slipped the cat from her grasp and returned it to the shelf. “Where did you find a toy shark for a baby?”

“I didn’t.” Rin pinched Noriko’s cheek and made her laugh. “Sousuke found it. He used it to break the ice on the whole adoption topic.”

“Oh.” Makoto smiled sweetly at Noriko and mirrored how Rin had squeezed her cheek. “So it must be a special toy. No wonder she loves it.”

Rin touched the soft plastic and felt the smallest bit of warmth in his chest. “Yeah.”

 

* * *

Rin grabbed Noriko out of the bath, wrapped her in a towel, and raced downstairs. Her wails and cries signaled to Makoto that they were on their way. He abandon the dirty dishes from dinner and turned to Rin’s approached with flustered worry.

“What’s wrong?”

“She wants the shark,” Rin grumbled and dug his hand into the backpack. Noriko babbled louder, repeating “sh” until the sound lost meaning under her sobs. “Where is it?” Rin turned the backpack over and dumped everything across the table.

“Did you put it back in the bag after shopping?” Makoto spoke over Noriko’s demands.

“I thought I did.”

“Did she have it during dinner?”

“I don’t know!”

“I’ll check the store bag.” Makoto rushed to the plastic bag and pulled out their purchases. “We got her teething rings. Will a new toy calm her down?”

Rin shifted Noriko’s weight. “We can try.”

Makoto ripped off the tag and used a baby wipe to sanitize the new toy. He used a gentle smile and offered it to Noriko who stopped crying long enough to inspect it with her mouth. Rin held his breath and hoped the shark would be forgotten long enough for an organized search after bedtime.

Noriko removed the teething ring from her mouth and sniffled twice. She hugged Rin and whined softly, but the tears had passed.

“I’ll look for the shark,” Makoto said. “You finish the bath.”

“I’ll help you once she’s asleep.” Rin started back upstairs.

After a thorough search of every bag and baby space in the house, the shark was never found.

 

* * *

It took Rin four days before he dragged the box marked Sousuke out of the hallway and into his room. He shoved it into a corner and ignored it, but on the second morning of it staring at him, he banished it into the closet.

Makoto let Rin set the pace of adjustment to the new living arrangement, but offered gentle pushes whenever Rin hesitated too long or refused to move forward.

Together they painted Noriko’s room and secured the marine animal wall decals sent by Gou. Makoto set up the crib but encouraged Rin to arrange the furniture and pick the bedding. Pink, blue, and green filled the room, but any shade of blue which leaned toward green, and any shade of green that leaned blue, had been carefully avoided.

Within a week Noriko had her own room with space to grow. Rin was happy Noriko was happy, but he couldn’t stop asking himself if Sousuke would’ve liked it too.

 

* * *

“I have to go back to work tomorrow,” Makoto announced after dinner while Rin dried the dishes Makoto washed. “I’m sure you two will be fine by yourselves, but if you get bored, you should come by the swim club.”

“Okay.”

“Maybe take Noriko to the beach.”

Rin dried the final dish and spread the towel flat on the counter. “That sounds good.”

“Or you can unpack your room.”

Rin sighed. It was the one area Makoto hadn’t pushed yet. “Yeah. Maybe.” It wasn’t that he wanted to live out of boxes and luggage forever, but if he unpacked and officially moved into Makoto’s house, he was letting go of his home with Sousuke in Tokyo. It was silly. The apartment was already occupied by someone else. Rin couldn’t go back.

“Staying busy is a good thing, Rin.”

“Yeah.” Rin avoided Makoto’s face. He knew he’d only find Makoto’s trademark sweetness with a tinge of sympathy. He wasn’t sure which he didn’t want to see more.

“I bet Noriko would love the beach, but you don’t have to take her by yourself. I have Thursday off, so we could go then.” Makoto grasped Rin’s shoulder only long enough for Rin to remember how it felt to be touched. He moved away quickly and Rin placed his hand over his shoulder.

Since Sousuke’s death, Rin had been hugged more times than he could remember. By Gou especially, but Seijuro turned out to be a hugger during their brief visiting following the funeral. But Makoto’s fleeting touch had felt...nice. It wasn’t an embrace fueled by sadness like the sympathetic hugs given by family and friends. It was as warm and gentle as Noriko’s hugs.

 

* * *

“Let’s show daddy.”

Rin looked over to where Makoto and Noriko sat in the sand. A pile of wet sand sat in front of Noriko and she piled another small handful on top. “Is that a castle?”

“It’s more like a lumpy tower.” Makoto laughed. Noriko added another handful and squeezed the sand on top. It cracked and Makoto rescued it before it toppled over. “It lacks structure integrity, but it’s good for her first attempt.” He smiled and spoke softer at Noriko. “I think it’s beautiful.”

“It’s perfect,” Rin agreed. He left the blanket spread under the shade of the umbrella and crawled to them. Noriko offered him her fist closed tightly around sand. “Thank you.” He helped her pat it into the tower.

“It isn’t so bad, is it?”

Rin pushed a stray lock of hair out of his face. “What is?”

“The beach.” Makoto smiled in the way that crinkled the edges of his eyes. Rin returned it and glanced at the ocean. “No matter where our friends are, we’re connected by the ocean, right?”

Rin chuckled and shook his head. “I don’t think anyone else is near an ocean anymore.”

“It’s still a nice sentiment from the romantic Rin.”

Rin thought himself too old to blush, but felt his cheeks warm. “Shut up.”

Makoto laughed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final quick update. See you in a few days.

**Chapter Three**

One month after Rin and Noriko moved in with Makoto, Rin woke to silence unlike the silence from Tokyo. Birds chirped outside, but the soft breathing he was used to was absent. Panic jerked him upright and he searched the bed for Noriko. The change of position knocked the memories free and Rin calmed.

The night before Makoto had finally convinced him to allow Noriko to sleep in her crib. Rin sighed and raked a hand through his hair. Sleep itself was without rest and every morning his grief felt renewed. Distractions during the day kept him from memories that were free to overcome him during the night.

Muffled noises from downstairs filtered through the walls. Rin recognized Noriko’s laugh and Makoto’s voice. The sound of the two were similar to the mornings Sousuke would wake with Noriko before Rin. The thought tightened the vice around Rin’s rib cage and burned his eyes.

As much as he could stew in his own sorrow for the rest of the day, he wanted to see Noriko. Rin pulled himself out of bed.

Reaching the kitchen where he knew he’d find the two, Rin also found Haru seated at the table.

“Haru.”

Haru nodded. “Rin.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Visiting.”

“Obviously.” Rin sank into the chair beside Noriko. She greeted him with giggle and Rin kissed her head. “Shouldn’t you be training?”

“I have a few days free. I’m staying at my house, but Makoto invited me over because your moping has him worried.”

“Haru!” Makoto chastised but Haru shot him a pointed look that dared an argument against the truth. Makoto’s sigh signaled his defeat. Some things would never change.

“I’m not moping,” Rin defended with a glare directed at Haru.

“You only leave the house if Makoto drags you,” Haru said. “That’s moping.”

“Yesterday Noriko and I were outside almost all day.”

Makoto frowned. “The garden doesn’t count, Rin.”

“It’s out of the house,” Rin muttered, propping his head up with his hand.

“Let’s race.” Haru leaned forward. “Today SC Returns doesn’t open until noon. We can swim until then.”

Rin narrowed his eyes. “How are we going to get inside if it isn’t open?”

“I have a key.”

“How do—?” Rin scoffed and looked at Makoto. “Did you give him a key?”

Makoto chuckled nervously. “Well, Haru cleans up after himself. It’s fine.”

Rin shook his head, knowing Haru probably hadn’t needed to try very hard to get access to the pool whenever he wanted.

Haru regained his attention with a hard nudge into his arm. “Let’s go.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I don’t feel like it.”

“When was the last time you swam?”

“Before Sousuke—” Rin stopped. “A few months ago.”

Haru sat back and shared a look with Makoto. Rin could practically see the second thoughts they had about their plan to get Rin out of the house. Living under a cloud of grief was better than dealing with the sympathy from others.

Rin flexed his fingers. “Fine, Haru. Let’s race, but don’t complain when I win.”

“You won’t. You’re retired.”

Rin scoffed. Haru was probably right, but Rin looked forward to the challenge.

 

* * *

Once alone in the empty pool, Rin stopped in front of the starting block. “Hey, Haru?”

Haru pushed his goggles onto his forehead. “Yes?”

“Are you really visiting, or are you here because Makoto called you?”

Haru observed him for a moment before he looked at the water and answered. “Makoto asked me to come. He was worried.”

Rin shook his head. “That guy.”

“Makoto cares about you. He’s helping how he knows how.”

“And he believed you could get me out of the house?”

“Yes.”

“I guess he was right.” Rin rubbed the back of his neck.

“Have you unpacked?”

Rin lowered his hand and glanced at the pool. Memories threatened to bubble up and overtake him. “No.”

“Why not?”

He had asked himself the same question each time he placed freshly laundered clothing back into his suitcase. He had no answer.

“Sousuke isn’t coming back,” Haru said a little softer. “Don’t allow a ghost to prevent you from living. You need to be present for Noriko.”

“Yeah.” Rin sighed and lifted his gaze to the ceiling, allowing gravity to keep his tears from spilling. He didn’t want to stay in the past, but the pain refused to be ignored.

“Let Makoto in,” Haru said. “He wants you happy again, and he’ll do everything in his power to make it happen.”

“Yeah. I’ll try.”

 

* * *

After putting Noriko to bed that might, Rin opened the first box marked “bedroom” and sat back on his heels. He could take that step but he didn’t need to take it alone. He walked to the living room downstairs where Makoto read on the couch every night.

“Hey.” Rin rubbed the back of his neck and ignored how bright Makoto smiled.

“Hi,” Makoto returned. “I was never told who won today.”

“Haru. Easily.”

Makoto smiled and tilted his head. “I guess he has the advantage from recent competitive training. But I bet you had fun anyway.”

“Yeah.” It served as a distraction that circled too closely on memories that could easily destroy Rin, but despite the mental exhaustion from it, he had enjoyed racing Haru again. “Are you busy?” Rin asked. “I could use some help.”

Makoto set aside his book and got to his feet. “With what?”

“Unpacking.”

Makoto’s smile faltered but he recovered quickly enough for Rin to wonder if he had slipped at all. “Okay.”

It took them two hours in heavy silence to unpack everything in Rin’s boxes. Every box except for the one marked “Sousuke” in the back of his closet. Rin pulled it out last and ran his fingers across the letters. He had been the one to pack it before the move, but the fog of grief blocked Rin’s full memory of contents. However, he knew for certain that everything inside would hurt.

“You can leave that one,” Makoto offered. “There’s always later. You don’t have to finish everything in one night.”

“No.” It needed to be done. Rin ripped the tape and opened the flaps. Sousuke’s favorite shirt rested on top. Tears blurred his vision and Rin blinked them away. He pulled everything out, item by item.

A few of Sousuke’s favorite shirts that still smelled like him, a seashell from Sousuke’s first trip to Australia to visit Rin, a couple swimming awards won during high school, his Samezuka jacket, letters written from their childhood and recent years, photographs of time together, and their wedding rings.

“Rin...?” Makoto whispered.

Rin wiped the tears from his eyes and cheeks. He could do this. “Most of this can go.”

“Rin, no. There’s storage in the attic. You don’t have to get rid of anything.”

The lump in his throat burned. The numbness that had prevented tears for the past few months ebbed away. “I know. But if I don’t now—”

“Nothing here deserves to go.”

Rin lowered his head and sobbed. He had always been quick to tears unless someone depended on his strength. It had been Gou when their dad died. Rin only allowed himself to cry when alone so Gou could lean on him for support. Now with Sousuke’s death, Rin had Noriko. He kept his sorrow buried deep so Noriko wouldn’t see it. She might be too young for grief, but even infants understood distress.

But on the guest room floor with Sousuke’s shirt clutched to his chest and his face buried against Makoto’s shoulder, he cried until he couldn’t anymore. Then it was the warmth from Makoto’s hand against Rin’s back that eased his breath back into a regular rhythm.

“I’m sorry.” Makoto’s whisper touched Rin’s hair. The words Rin had heard many times before made him shiver. Makoto’s arms tightened around him.

Rin closed his eyes and let Makoto comfort him with a wet shoulder and an unyielding embrace. Sousuke was gone and Rin knew the pain from his absence would eventually lessen, but he clung to it until the clock read A.M. and he felt guilty about keeping Makoto from his usual bedtime.

Together they repacked the box marked “Sousuke” for storage, and when Rin left his room the next morning, the box was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four is longer with a few time jumps. Rin grows closer to his good buddy Makoto.  
> Chapter 5 starts the road down romance ;)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! <3

**Chapter Four**

Reality appeared different through the distortions created by grief. Between days of brief clarity, the haze thickened and muddled with time and emotions. Noriko kept Rin grounded through some of his worst days, but grief was so much more than an emotion.

Rin woke late and heard the murmur of Makoto’s voice from downstairs and Noriko’s cries of a missed nap. Rin listened until he knew even Makoto’s ample patience would be near a breaking point. He dragged himself out of bed and down the stairs into the living room. Makoto faced him with a crying Noriko in his arms. Despite his smile, he looked frazzled.

“Good morning, Rin.”

“It’s not morning. Give her to me.” Rin ignored Makoto’s flinch from his cold words. He rested Noriko’s head against his shoulder. Although she didn’t stop, the intensity of her cries lessened.

“Is that some sort of trick?”

“Not really.” Rin rubbed her back and started up the stairs. If he stayed with Makoto, Makoto might talk, and Rin wasn’t in the mood for conversation.

By the time he reached Noriko’s room, her cries had stopped completely and she had relaxed against Rin. It took a few more paces around her room until she fell asleep. Rin placed her in her crib and waited just in case she stirred.

“She wouldn’t stop crying, but I didn’t want to wake you,” Makoto said in the doorway. “I called mom, and she thought Noriko might be teething, but knowing the reason didn’t stop her cries or ease any discomfort.”

“It’s fine.” Rin pushed his hair back and watched Noriko sleep. On bad days only she seemed to lessened the ache.

“Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“It’s already past noon, so you should eat something.”

Rin sighed. “Later.”

“Okay.” Makoto hesitated but spoke again. “Gou called this morning. She said you didn’t call her back last time. She misses you. Maybe you could text her instead.”

“Gou only wants to know if I’m eating and sleeping enough. You can relay the information.”

“She’s your family. She needs more than that.”

“Makoto, stop.” Rin rubbed his forehead. If Makoto started a mothering lecture he would lose his mind.

“I know it hurts, Rin,” Makoto whispered. “But you’re not the only one who lost Sousuke.”

Rin looked at Makoto. Such an obvious detail had never occurred to him. Grief was a lonely thing. For Rin who had so often worn his emotions on his sleeve, his grief was private and he preferred to avoid the topic.

“Gou?” Rin lowered his gaze. Gou had known Sousuke for just as long. After Rin and Sousuke had had announced their engagement, she had admitted to a high school crush. She had loved Sousuke too.

“Not only Gou,” Makoto said. “You’ve lost more, but you’re not alone.”

Rin looked up again. Sousuke had a personality that kept most people at bay, but the few who made it past his stormy exterior formed lasting friendships. Even Haru, who kept his circle of friends small, had warmed to him.

“I’m not saying you’ve done anything wrong,” Makoto continued with softness to his voice. “But if you’re ignoring Gou because you think she doesn’t care, then you’re wrong. Many cared about Sousuke. And about you. And they are suffering in their own ways as well.”

Rin wiped the moisture from the corners of his eyes. “You too?”

Makoto’s expression softened. “I don’t have many regrets, but Sousuke is one.”

“You guys were close during university.”

“Yeah. We were. I had considered him a friend before, but your frequent requests to check on him made that friendship closer.”

“My requests weren’t that frequent,” Rin argued weakly. “I just worried he would be alone.”

“I know.”

“You know I wasn’t the only one who worried.” Rin smiled through the bite of pain from memories. “Sousuke told me whenever Haru was away for competitions, or just unable to get to you, he’d call Sousuke and ask him to check in on you. Haru was certain you couldn’t feed yourself or wash your own laundry.”

Makoto chuckled. “I never knew that. It explains the sudden and unannounced visits I’d get from Sousuke. And the frequent meals he’d cook. I guess all of us worried about each other.”

Rin ran his hand along the crib’s rail. “He liked you.”

“Did he?”

“It’s not surprising. Everyone likes you.” Rin blinked away more tears.

“Rin.”

Rin inhaled sharply and crossed the room into Makoto’s arms. He cried quiet tears that pulled the ache from every muscle. Makoto eased the pain once again with nothing more than his hand rested against Rin’s back and the patience to accept Rin’s sorrows.

 

* * *

 

As a child, Rin had first approached Makoto with his sights on Haru. Rin had wanted to race Haru but out of the two, Makoto had seemed more approachable. Even though he had initially turned his attention onto Makoto because of Haru, Rin had learned quickly that Makoto was a person impossible to dislike.

His gentle nature and caring attentiveness made friendship with Makoto easier than breathing. His smiles were contagious and his ability to make anyone feel important created a warmth that even the unhappiest of people felt a tiny bit better under.

Since childhood Rin had known about Makoto’s allure and after he accepted Makoto’s invitation to live with him, Rin had expected the inevitable: Noriko fell in love.

Her first words of “daddy” spoken to Rin caused a few tears of happiness from Rin and a small celebration from Makoto. But not long after those first uttered syllables, she reached for Makoto with “daddy” spoken just as adorably as before.

Makoto responded with a blush and tried to correct an 11-month old, but Rin smiled at his daughter and told Makoto, “It’s fine if she calls you that.”

“But you’re her dad, Rin.”

“Well, what else will she call you?”

“But.” Makoto frowned hard enough to crease his brow. “It’ll get confusing. She can call me Makoto.”

“That might turn into ‘ma-ma,’ which will be weird. I guess papa might be appropriate.”

Makoto’s frown softened but didn’t go away. “But Rin.”

Rin read through Makoto’s expression. Papa had been reserved for Sousuke. Rin’s ribs felt a little tighter, but Sousuke wasn’t going to be using it, so there wasn’t a reason Makoto couldn’t. “It’ll confuse Noriko less. Just.” Rin didn’t want an argument over it. “Just accept it.”

“Does this mean you’re staying longer than the agreed few months?” Makoto’s frown perked up around the edges.

“Yeah.” Rin rubbed the back of his neck and tried to ignore Makoto’s grin. “As long as we’re welcome. I can’t separate Noriko from you. That’s just cruel.”

“Oh, Rin.” Makoto chuckled and touched his nose to Noriko’s—a gesture she had grown fond of. “I’m so happy.”

Rin smiled, and for the first time he didn’t compare the scene in front of him to his idea of how the future with Sousuke would’ve been.

 

* * *

 

Noriko’s cries from across the hall woke Rin. With a small grunt, he threw off his blanket and got to his feet. She would be a year soon and slept through most nights but not every night.

Noriko’s cries had stopped by the time Rin stumbled blurry eyed into the hallway. He stepped into the doorway and found Makoto dressed in pajama pants and a shirt cradling Noriko in his arms. He smiled when he spotted Rin.

“I had hoped she didn’t wake you,” Makoto whispered. “Go back to bed. I’ll care for her. She needs a diaper change.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Rin rubbed his eyes and headed back across the hall but stopped just before he fell back into bed. Sharing night duty had become normal after the first few weeks, but Rin couldn’t allow Makoto to take this one. Makoto had a morning shift in—Rin looked at his clock—four hours.

Rin turned around and walked across the hall once again. He heard a softly sung melody and froze. He leaned into the room just far enough to watch Makoto change Noriko’s diaper with a song on his lips too quiet for Rin to make out the lyrics. Noriko watched him intently, remaining still until he finished and picked her up.

Rin observed the moment until emotions bubbled to the surface and a sob broke the silence.

Makoto turned. “Rin?”

“Sorry.” Rin covered his mouth and regained composure. “Sousuke used to sing to her too.”

Makoto frowned and cast his gaze downward. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine. Noriko seemed to enjoy it.”

Makoto crossed the room and handed Noriko to Rin. “Stay with her until she falls asleep. I think it will do you both good.”

Rin brushed Noriko’s hair from her forehead. “Yeah. Thank you.”

“Good night, Rin.” Makoto squeezed Rin’s shoulder on his way out. The touch was fleeting but the warmth spread underneath Rin’s tank top across his chest.

Rin rested his cheek against Noriko’s head. “Maybe we’ll get to hear Makoto sing to you more often, Noriko,” he whispered and kissed her hair.

 

* * *

 

By winter Makoto had talked Rin into coaching part time at the club. Rin had promised to only try it out for one week before he returned to full-time dad, but he had enjoyed it enough to stay on past the deadline. Makoto would watch Noriko when Rin worked so she always had someone with her.

They settled into a routine around Noriko. Rin carefully avoided comparing it to what he and Sousuke had had, but the thought would surface whenever he and Makoto seemed to be too good at parenting together.

The list of first times without Sousuke grew each day—first words, first steps, first tasted lemon. Each milestone tightened the vice around Rin’s ribcage, but each excited smile from Makoto eased the pain.

 

* * *

 

Makoto held Noriko’s hands and walked her down the beach. Makoto was too tall and Noriko too short, so he had to bend at his knees and lean down to reach her level. Water licked their feet and Noriko squealed and tightened her fists around Makoto’s fingers.

Rin smiled fondly at the two. The first time Rin introduced Noriko to the ocean, she cried hard and loud for almost half an hour. Now at 18 months, Noriko kicked her feet in the waves and laughed. Rin thought it fitting the boy who had once feared water would be the one who helped his daughter accept it.

“You’re going to hurt your back if you keep that position,” Rin teased and Makoto looked over at Rin with a tired but happy smile.

“You’re right.” He lowered to a squat and let Noriko stand in the waves by herself. She reached down and let the water rush over her hand.

After a year in Makoto’s presence, Rin thought about Sousuke less. He couldn’t remember when the grief had lessened enough for him to breathe normally. Makoto had been with him during every step and for every painful memory. Rin could think back on his time with Sousuke without his throat closing at the thought of everything that could have been.

The wound wasn’t healed, but it had closed. The bleeding had stopped. Scar tissue would form. Rin could move forward.

Rin pushed to his feet and joined the two without a word. Makoto welcomed him with a warm smile Rin could now easily return.

 

* * *

 

“Why don’t you sing to Noriko anymore?”

Makoto looked up at Rin’s question. He adjusted his glasses and let Noriko take the children’s book made of cardboard from his grasp. “I didn’t want to hurt you,” he said.

“Your singing wasn’t that bad, Makoto.”

Makoto laughed. “No. But it reminded you of Sousuke.”

“Yeah. It did.” Rin reached over and rested his hand on top of Noriko’s head. She made a face at him but allowed it. “I think, if you wanted, you could sing to Noriko again.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want—” Makoto frowned. The expression seemed strange on someone like Makoto, so Rin focused his attention on Noriko mimicking how Makoto read to her each night. She couldn’t read or form the words, but she ran her finger across the page and babbled in varying tones like the ones Makoto used during story time.

“Noriko,” Rin said and she turned her head toward him. “Do you want Makoto to sing to you?”

“Um.” Noriko looked at the book again. After a long moment of thought she decided. “Yes.”

“See?” Rin smirked at Makoto who laughed again. “I told you.”

“I don’t think Noriko understood what you asked,” Makoto said through a chuckle.

Rin shrugged and scooted closer to Noriko and Makoto. He took the book from her and handed it to Makoto. “Finish the story.”

Makoto’s smile crinkled the corners of his eyes. Rin pulled Noriko into his lap and they both listened to Makoto read the last few pages.

 

* * *

 

“Oh, she is a cutie.”

Rin looked over his shoulder at the woman crouched down beside Noriko’s stroller. Makoto turned from the produce section and thanked the stranger with one of his inviting smiles. Rin returned to his task and chose a bunch of carrots from the display.

“You’re such a good father.”

Rin heard the woman’s comment and looked back. As he expected, Makoto had flustered at the praise and assumption of relation. He waved his hands. “No. I’m not. I’m just—”

“You do make a great father, Makoto.” Rin stepped back to the stroller. “I think Noriko agrees.” Noriko yawned and made some sounds that didn’t quite resemble any real words. Rin took it as agreement and flashed Makoto a grin.

“Rin...” Makoto’s blush darkened.

“You two are a cute couple,” the woman commented. “It’s nice to see.”

Rin blushed at her assumption. Neither could communicate under their embarrassment before the woman excused herself and continued down the aisle. After a few silent seconds, Rin raised his gaze and found Makoto’s.

“Heh.” Makoto tilted his head.

“A couple?”

“Cute couple,” Makoto corrected.

“Tch.” Rin rubbed the back of his neck and muttered, “No one ever called Sousuke and me cute.”

“Oh.” Makoto’s smile vanished. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” The comment had been voiced without Rin realizing how it would sound. He still missed the past and the life they had planned, but the memories were no longer knives preventing the wound from closing. Rin hadn’t moved on, but he could live.

“Even if we’re not a couple,” Rin continued, “from the outside, the three of us are pretty cute.”

Makoto agreed with a gentle laugh.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rin starts to fall.
> 
> (It's a large serving of fluff with an extra side of fluff)

Chapter Five

After Noriko turned two, Rin danced. Noriko had fallen for princess movies and had taken a liking any waltz scene. Makoto would carry her in one arm, hold her hand in his other, and mimic the dance. He’d make as many sweeping circles around the living room and kitchen as she demanded.

Rin watched the two after dinner and smiled at how much Noriko seemed to enjoy it. He stood and tapped Makoto’s shoulder.

“May I cut in?”

Makoto smiled large enough to squint. He passed Noriko into Rin’s arms, and she immediately took Rin’s hand and waited for the dance to begin.

Rin took the steps faster than Makoto and added an extra twirl that launched Noriko in a fit of giggles. Noriko’s laughter filled his heart and Rin laughed with her.

“No, you have to stop,” Noriko declared and Rin froze.

“What’s wrong?” Maybe he had made too many circles too quickly after dinner.

“Papa has to join too.” Noriko stretched toward Makoto who had occupied Rin’s vacated chair. He blinked in surprise but stood and approached.

“Three people can’t dance together, Noriko,” Makoto explained with a sunshine smile. His logic was ignored by Noriko.

“Yes.” Noriko demanded Makoto’s hand, and he raised it within her reach. She tugged him closer and forced him to walk forward. “Now dad.”

Rin fitted his hand behind Makoto’s which held Noriko’s. The position wasn’t entirely awkward, but it wouldn’t be easy to maneuver around the furniture with two grown men and a toddler between them.

“No go.” Noriko grinned.

Rin gave Makoto a challenging smirk. “Can you keep up, Makoto?”

Makoto laughed and stepped close enough to rest his free hand over Noriko’s on Rin’s shoulder. “Of course I can.”

Noriko pushed Makoto’s hand away. “Not there. Now go.”

Makoto moved his hand to Rin’s arm. The placement was awkward but satisfied the toddler. “Now go, Rin,” Makoto echoed her words.

Rin stepped right and Makoto went to his right. They came to a stop and Noriko let out a frustrated sigh. Both men apologized and tried again. Makoto’s heel found Rin’s toe on the second step. On their third attempt, Rin stepped on Makoto’s foot.

“Sorry.” Rin winced at Makoto’s yelp.

“It’s fine. This isn’t easy.”

Rin let out a frustrated huff similar to Noriko’s. “You lead.”

Makoto studied Rin and Rin softened his smile. “Okay.” Makoto moved his hand from Rin’s arm to his waist. The touch was light and Rin barely felt it.

With Makoto leading, they managed to find a rhythm and made enough circles around the room to tire themselves and please Noriko. Her laughs quieted and she rested her head against Rin’s shoulder.

When they came to a stop, Rin registered Makoto’s hand had moved to the lower dip of his back. He then realized the closeness of Makoto. If Noriko hadn’t been sandwiched between them—well, then they wouldn’t have been dancing so it was pointless to think about.

Noriko wrapped her arms around Rin’s neck and issued a complaint about how the dance had made her sleepy. Makoto retreated to the dishes from dinner left in the sink, and Rin headed upstairs to start bedtime.

 

* * *

 

After Noriko fell asleep, Rin returned downstairs. The kitchen and living room had been cleaned, and now Makoto sat on the couch with a closed book in his hands.

“She’s asleep,” Rin announced. “You’ve created a princess by introducing her to those movies”

Makoto laughed and set his book aside. “That means I now have two princesses to look after.”

“Hey!” Rin shot Makoto a glare that only made him laugh again.

“Sorry,” Makoto said through his quiet laughter.

“Tch.” Rin headed for the kitchen but stopped a step behind the couch. “Since you have two princesses, you should learn how to dance. My foot still hurts.”

“Sorry about that. I think Noriko likes how I dance.”

“Glad a two year old approves of your terrible style.”

Makoto turned a smile onto Rin he hadn’t seen in many years. Makoto rarely reacted to Rin’s challenges, but Makoto was known to take games more seriously than most. He didn’t like to lose.

“I’m not Haru so we can’t settle this with a race. How do you propose we do settle it?”

Rin could easily fluster under Makoto’s confident smile that bordered too closely on devious, but he held his ground and raised his chin. “I guess we’ll just have to battle with a waltz.”

Makoto’s laughter was lighter and cleared his previous type of smile. “How can we decide who wins if neither of us has taken ballroom lessons? I only mimic what’s in the cartoon, and I imagine you did the same.”

“We both have younger sisters so we know enough. Get up.”

Makoto looked confused but followed the order. “And who are we going to dance with?”

“Each other. Whoever steps on the other the most will lose. Just don’t crush my feet.”

Makoto accepted the invitation and took Rin’s hand. “You already crippled me by stepping on mine. It would only be fair.” He slid his hand into the small of Rin’s back. For a moment, Rin regretted the taunt. The closeness was almost overwhelming.

“You’re bigger. Your feet would hurt me more.”

Makoto agreed with a smile. “I guess you’re right. Am I leading first?”

Rin lowered his gaze to their joined hands. Makoto had been his friend since childhood. Physical contact wasn’t new. But the situation felt different. His heart thumped against his chest and his thoughts turned to Sousuke.

“Rin?”

Rin saw the concern in Makoto’s expression and tried to erase it with a smile. “I’ll lead first.”

Makoto’s smile returned. “Okay. I’m prepared for a broken toe.”

“Shut up.”

 

* * *

 

Rin survived unscathed and Makoto walked away without any broken bones. After the first dance, Rin had conceded Makoto’s style was good enough for Noriko, and retreated to his room, but his heart had pounded too hard for sleep. The reaction wasn’t completely forgotten by the following afternoon, but Noriko had proved to be a good enough distraction for Rin.

He had his hands in soapy water when he heard the front door open. His heartbeat felt a little faster under the anticipation of Makoto’s return.

“I’m home.” Makoto called from the front of the house.

“Welcome back,” Rin said to the few dishes left in the sink. After last night, Rin was no longer sure whether or not the love he had for his friend was the same he had when he first arrived on the doorstep sixteen months ago.

Two hands lightly touched his hips, and the surprise jerked the plate out of his soapy grasp.

“Sorry. I just need a glass.” Makoto shuffled Rin to the side and reached into the cabinet.

Rin held his breath, frozen in place as Makoto reached around him and filled his glass with water from the tap. He could smell Makoto mixed with chlorine from the pool. The closeness ended within seconds and it was nothing out of the ordinary, but Rin’s pounding heart threatened to crack a few ribs. He exhaled after Makoto stepped away and hoped the heat he felt on his face wasn’t visible.

Rin forced his attention on the bubbles in the sink and tried to understand his reaction. It made little sense to have a crush after a lifetime of friendship. Or had he never given himself a chance to see Makoto in that way? He had experienced many types of love. He fell in love quickly and his love burned brightly. The love he had for his friends ran just as deep as any he had for family.  But something felt different now with Makoto.

With his filled glass in hand, Makoto walked to the couch where Noriko took her nap. He brushed her hair from her face.

“Hey, Makoto?” Rin dried his hands. “Why aren’t you seeing anyone?”

Makoto looked up with shock and a dusting of pink growing on his cheeks. He shot a worried glance at Noriko. “W-what?”

“I have an excuse to turn down dates. You don’t.”

“Do you turn down many dates, Rin?”

Rin turned his head and pouted. “Shut up, Makoto.”

“Sorry. Sorry.” Makoto chuckled and his blush lessened.

“I hope you didn’t put your life on hold for us.”

“Oh.” Makoto’s smile turned into a quiet, affectionate one. “I didn’t, Rin. If anything, you two have made my life better.”

“You could’ve been married by now.”

“Hm.” Makoto shook his head. “I’ve never wondered about any ‘what-ifs.’ The circumstances were less than ideal, but I couldn’t be happier with you and Noriko in my life.” He tilted his head and smiled with his eyes closed. His contentment and joy undeniable.

Rin smiled in return, believing him because Makoto’s lies had always been easy to spot, and the truth colored the green of his eyes a little brighter. Makoto was genuinely happy.

“Me too,” Rin agreed and watched Makoto’s smile grow.

 

* * *

 

Out of the three, only Rin managed to stay awake throughout the entire movie. Noriko curled between them had her feet under Rin’s thigh and head pressed against Makoto’s.

Makoto’s glasses had slipped down and threatened to fall from his face if he stayed with his head bowed any longer. Rin knew he should wake the two but he couldn’t bring himself to disturb either.

Makoto’s arm rested on the back of the couch. Curious, Rin shifted just enough to reach Makoto’s hand. His exploration started with a light touch from one finger, but he gradually grew bolder and rested his hand over Makoto’s. He had felt Makoto’s skin before, but it had never felt like this. Makoto turned his hand and his thumb slipped between Rin’s fingers. Rin’s heart raced in his chest.

With his warm face turned away, Rin held Makoto’s hand. It was ridiculous for a grown man to blush over a simple thing like holding hands, but he couldn’t help it. After several moments, he risked a glance at Makoto and found his eyes closed.

Maybe he was asleep.

Maybe he wouldn’t remember stroking his thumb across the top of Rin’s hand.

Makoto squeezed Rin’s hands and opened his eyes. They held each other’s gaze. Under Makoto’s look, Rin couldn’t breathe. Makoto gave another squeeze and sat up.

Rin slid his hand free.

“Mako—” Rin started but Noriko stirred and kicked her feet into Rin. “Oi, Noriko.” He leaned over and rubbed her back. “It’s time for bed.”

“No.” She nuzzled into the back of the couch. Rin smiled at her refusal and sat back. If she wanted to stay, she could stay.

“I’ll take her up.” Makoto stood and gathered her into his arms. “Good night, Rin.”

“Good night,” Rin whispered.

Alone on the couch, Rin touched the back of his hand and thought back to the look Makoto gave him. Guilt gnawed at the corner of his mind.

But Sousuke was gone. Rin had the right to love again if he could.

But it was Makoto. What if Rin was mistaking Makoto’s usual affection of friendship for something else? If Makoto didn’t feel the same, it could damage the pseudo family they’ve built.

Rin turned off the TV and trudged upstairs. He paused in Noriko’s doorway and watched her sleep. Her happiness was his top priority, so he would protect the balance of his relationship with Makoto to prevent a change that could endanger Noriko’s happiness.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin and Haru have conversations...and Rin takes a step with Makoto ;)

Chapter Six

“Do you love Makoto?”

Rin startled at Haru’s question and dropped Noriko’s shirt back into the laundry basket. Haru sat at the table where Rin finished that laundry that needed folding. “W-what?”

“Do you love Makoto?” Haru slowed his words. His annoyance palpable.

“Of course I do.” Rin ignored the heat rising to his face. “I love all my friends.”

“I don’t mean that way.”

Rin cleared his throat, took more time than needed to fold the shirt, and reached for the next item. “I love Makoto as much as I love you or Nagisa.”

“You’re folding his underwear.”

Rin looked at the item in question and dropped it into the basket. “We live together. We both fold each other’s er—clothing.”

“Would you fold mine, then?”

Rin clicked his teeth and grabbed something purple from the basket. “I don’t live with you. It’s different.”

“You’re blushing.”

“I am not,” Rin snapped. “Drop it. Jeez. Why are you here anyway?”

“Makoto asked me to visit.”

“Do you always visit when Makoto calls?”

“Yes. It makes him happy.”

Rin sighed. “Shouldn’t you be training?”

“Two days of rest coincides with my schedule. Makoto is mindful of these things. He doesn’t want to hinder my chances at a competition.”

“Why does Makoto have your schedule?”

“I emailed it to him.”

“Yeah okay. I figured on the how he got, but why did you send it in the first place?”

Haru narrowed his eyes and Rin could tell he was thinking about his answer. It was unusual for someone as blunt as Haru to take time for a simple question, but then Haru blinked and looked normal, if not bored and mildly annoyed at the question. “Because it’s Makoto.”

Rin added Noriko’s purple shirt with the rainbow butterfly—a gift from Rei—to the appropriate stack. “I get it. Makoto used to coach high school age Olympic hopefuls, so you trust him to review your regime. Although, you should trust your coach completely.”

Haru lowered his gaze to the stacks of laundry. “Makoto is Makoto. He wants to help and it’s easier if he has my schedule.”

“Right.” Rin sat down at the table to pair socks of varying pink shades.

“Do you love Makoto?”

Rin didn’t finch the second time. He focused on the 15 shades of pink and thought about the little girl who asked for every pink sock the store stocked and the green-eyed man who had too quickly caved to the request.

“I can’t love Makoto any more than I love you, Haru.”

“What do you mean?”

Rin rubbed his temple. “If I love Makoto or someone else, as much as I loved Sousuke, it would be like I never loved Sousuke.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Hey!” Rin glared. “I’m serious.”

Haru huffed a small breath. “Does your love for Nagisa as a friend lessen your friendship with me?”

“No. But that’s different.”

“I don’t see how.”

“Forget it.” Rin gave the socks his full attention. Haru was silent for a few moments.

“Rin. You and Noriko should move.”

Rin looked up. Haru’s tone had firmed and lowered. He was serious. “What?” Rin frowned. “Noriko is happy here. She loves Makoto as much as she loves me. I’ve stayed for her benefit.”

“Are you happy?”

Rin felt his face warm. “Yes.”

“Because you love Makoto?”

“Jeez. Drop that already.”

“Listen Rin. About Makoto—”

The front door opened and Noriko’s greeting of “I’m home” joined Makoto’s. Rin smiled.

“Forget it,” Haru murmured and got to his feet.

“Welcome back,” Rin said when the two came into the kitchen. Noriko left Makoto’s side and crashed into Haru who had already crouched in preparation of her hug. Her jump sent them both to the floor.

“Oi! Noriko, be nice,” Rin chastised but smiled at the two.

“It’s fine.” Haru patted her head. “She reminds me of the twins.”

“But we can’t have Haru-chan getting injured.” Makoto smiled.

“I won’t get injured.” Haru got to his feet with Noriko dangling from his neck. “Did you get mackerel?”

“Of course.” Makoto placed the grocery bag with ingredients for dinner on the table and started to unpack them.

Rin scoffed. “Are you still only eating mackerel?”

“Not only.”

“Haru’s usual diet is appropriate for his training.”

“Do you have his food schedule too?” Rin teased but Haru nodded in affirmation.

“Makoto mothers better than his mother.”

“Haruuu,” Makoto whined.

“You two are weird.” Rin gathered the stacks of clothes. “Leave our guest alone and help me, Noriko.”

“Okay!” Noriko dropped to the floor and Rin passed her two folded shirts. It was just enough for the toddler to learn without overwhelming her with too much burden.

“I’ll be back to help with dinner,” Rin said.

“I’ll help,” Haru volunteered. “You won’t cook the mackerel right.”

Makoto laughed and Rin scowled. “Whatever.”

“After dinner, you two should go swimming,” Makoto suggested with a gentle smile directed at Rin.

“Yeah. I’ll beat you this time Haru.”

“You won’t. You’ve gotten lazy.”

“Damn you,” Rin muttered and earned a warning tsk about his language from Makoto. He rolled his eyes and steered Noriko toward the stairs, grabbing the shirt she dropped.

 

* * *

“You worry about nothing, Makoto.”

Rin paused on the stairs. Haru’s sharp tone had reached him but Makoto’s quiet reply was a calm murmur. He waited another moment before taking the finals stairs with heavy steps. Their discussion was meant to be private. The two friends at the table watched him enter.

“Let’s go Haru.” Rin dropped his bag on the floor. “Finally got Noriko into bed, but she wants a story, Makoto. And she doesn’t want me to read it.”

“You don’t do the voices right.”

Rin frowned. “That’s exactly what she said.”

Makoto chuckled. “She’s complained before.” He stood and gave Haru a look. “Have fun at the pool you two.” He touched Rin’s shoulder on his way to the stairs.

“Ready to lose, Haru?” Rin grinned.

Haru narrowed his eyes. “I won’t.”

 

* * *

Rin pulled off his goggles and cap. “Jeez, how are you still so fast?” His breaths came fast and hard, but if Haru was winded, he didn’t show it.

“I plan to announce my retirement next month.”

The sudden statement caught Rin off guard. “Oh. Is that okay?”

“Yes. My times are no longer improving. It’s better to do it now.”

“You are getting old,” Rin teased and Haru settled a glare at him. “Will you stay in Tokyo?”

“No. I’ll be back in Iwatobi permanently in a few months.”

“That quick?”

Haru shrugged. “No point delaying after the competition next month.”

“I guess not.” Rin grabbed the edge of the pool to pull himself out.

“Makoto is in love with you.”

Rin lost his balance, slipped, and fell back into the water. He surfaced quickly and spit out what little water he hadn’t swallowed. “What?!”

Haru watched him steadily. “If you leave now, no one will get hurt, and Noriko is young enough to get over losing him.”

“Haru. I’m not leaving Makoto. And how do you know he loves—?” Rin couldn’t finish the question, but he didn’t need to.

“I know because it’s Makoto. But also he told me. I’ve known for a while.”

“Why do you want me to leave?”

“If you don’t return his love, you should separate before you hurt him. Or he hurts you.”

Rin smiled. Haru worried in his own way. “Thanks, Haru. But I think I’ll stay.”

Haru studied Rin with an unreadable expression. He then looked away and nodded. “So you do love him.”

“I don’t know.” Rin rubbed the back of his neck. “I believe I do. I’m just not sure if I _should_.”

“Because of Sousuke.”

“Yeah. He’s gone but I still love him.”

“Makoto isn’t a replacement.”

“No! No. He isn’t. He’s Makoto. He’s hard not to like him anyway but. I don’t know.” Rin wished he could put to words the conflicting emotions circling his head each time he thought about Makoto, but he had learned a long time ago certain things had no explanation. “It isn’t the same anymore.”

“If you love Makoto, he’ll make you happy.”

“I think so too.”

Haru’s lips parted as if to correct Rin, but he pressed them together and nodded instead.

 

* * *

A storm knocked out power and sent Noriko into Makoto’s arms. Rin sat on the other end of the couch and watched how quickly Makoto soothed her with a sweet smile and safe hug. Rin couldn’t blame Noriko’s fear. He didn’t particularly like storms either.

“I thought you were afraid of thunder,” Rin commented.

Makoto smiled nervously. “I am. But Noriko’s fears come first.”

A clap of thunder shook the windows. Makoto clutched Noriko tighter and Rin wondered just who was the one comforting the other.

Rin snorted. “It’s just noise.”

“Yeah. But terrible things happen during storms.”

Rin knew that. He also knew Makoto understood it just as well. But it would be pointless to dwell on the past. “When Haru was in town he told me he’s going to retire,” Rin said, hoping conversation would be a wise distraction. “It’s about time.”

“He told me too. And I’m glad.” Makoto frowned. “I always worry he’ll get injured.”

“You make it sound like he’s older than he is.”

“I don’t mean to.” Makoto laughed. “But you retired a few years ago. Haru kept going.”

Rin shrugged and placed his hand on Noriko’s back. “I retired to spend time with Noriko. Haru doesn’t even have a girlfriend or boyfriend, or whatever he wants. Although, I guess what he wants is a swimming pool.”

“I think you’re right. Haru is satisfied with the water.” Makoto chuckled. “You left Tokyo over a year ago and can’t visit Haru as often. Will you happier when you _can_ see him more?”

“I will. But I could never have asked him to change his life, so his visits were fine.”

“You didn’t have to.” Makoto tilted his head and smiled softly. “It will be nice to have Haru home.”

“Yeah.”

 

* * *

It took 25 minutes for the storm to lessen. The rumbling from the sky sounded distant and the tapping of rain calmed to a relaxing white noise. From the kitchen Rin had watched the two fall asleep. He stood, leaned onto the back of the couch, and poked a finger into Makoto’s cheek.

“Oi. Wake up,” he whispered.

“I’m not asleep,” Makoto murmured. “But Noriko is,” he added quietly and opened his eyes.

“She runs to you when she’s scared.” Rin rested his elbows on the back of the couch. “You’re scared of shadows. I’m the brave one.”

“You always cry at the end of her princess movies.”

“Oi!” Rin glared but Makoto laughed and softened Rin’s hard look into a smile. “That has nothing to do with bravery.”

“Sorry. Sorry. I guess it doesn’t.”

Rin studied Makoto’s profile and thought back to what Haru had told him in the pool. It seemed ridiculous for Makoto to love him anymore than he loved anyone else.

Makoto looked at Noriko in his lap and swept her hair from her neck. “I hope she’s happy.”

“She is.”

“Are you?”

There had been a time Rin thought he could never feel happiness again. Grief had numbed him and seized his ability to understand the future could be free of the ache from missing Sousuke. He still missed him, but the pain was gone.

“Yes.” Rin turned his head and studied green eyes he had known for a lifetime. Makoto had a large heart, cared for people and animals alike, and he loved Rin. Rin adored Makoto, and that feeling had only transformed into something that excited and terrified him. “I am happy.”

Makoto smiled. It was small but filled with unspoken words. “Me too.”

Rin took a step to his right, closing the short distance between them. His heart rattled his ribcage and anticipation heated his blood.

Makoto leaned forward as much as the sleeping toddler on his lap would allow and met Rin. The moment their lips touched, Rin’s heart ceased its violence. Rin parted his lips and touched Makoto’s jaw, a silent request for something more. Makoto let Rin in with a sigh and two fingers against Rin’s neck.

Like everything about Makoto, his kiss was gentle and yielded to Rin. He tasted like his after dinner green tea, and how his fingertips ghosted across Rin’s neck sent a thrill down his back.

Rin pulled away a moment before Noriko twisted in Makoto’s lap and announced the end of her nap with a loud yawn.

Makoto inhaled a sharp breath. He held Rin’s gaze and his expression told Rin he feared the inevitable change to their relationship. The line they had just crossed couldn’t be taken back. Rin smiled softly, hoping it was enough to ease any of Makoto’s worries.

“It’s dark,” Noriko mumbled and drew Makoto’s attention.

“It’s bed time,” Makoto replied.

“No bath?”

“It’s too dark for a bath.” Makoto wrapped her in his arms and stood.

“Too dark for a story?”

“Never.” Makoto paused and looked at Rin over his shoulder.

Rin thanked the storm and power outage for concealing his face that was most definitely red. He still tasted Makoto on his lips and if he concentrated, Rin was sure he could still feel Makoto’s lingering touch.

“Goodnight, Rin.” Makoto’s smile radiated joy even in the darkest night.

Rin nodded, untrusting of his voice to reply. Makoto turned and walked away. A moment later, Rin heard his steps on the stairs and Makoto’s question about which book they should read.

Alone in the dark, he listened to the rain and thought about the romantic aspect of a first kiss during a black out.

He was in too deep to realize how far below the surface he tread.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That final scene will continue in chapter 7 ;) 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Notice: the rating has changed.  
> Rin lets go of his past with Sousuke and admits his love for Makoto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter IS SO MUCH LONGER than the others! I'm sorry for the delay in posting. I had everything finished but the final scene and then I had homework and a friend in from out of town to distract me. Also this time my beta was unavailable so there are probably a few minor mistakes.
> 
> The first scene immediately follows the final scene in chapter 6.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Chapter Seven**

After a few minutes to regain his composure, Rin headed up stairs and leaned into Noriko’s room. Makoto held a book in one hand and a flashlight in another. He spoke in the high voice that Rin still didn’t understand how he could do.

“‘But Wolf, I thought we were friends!’ Rabbit cried. ‘Let me out of your trap.’”

“Oh no.” Noriko giggled. She noticed Rin in the doorway and waved. “Daddy!”

“You want a bed time story too, Rin?” Makoto asked, flipping the page.

Rin smirked. “Maybe after Noriko gets hers.”

Makoto looked up, surprise in his eyes and pink on his cheeks. He lowered the flashlight to hide the coloring. “Okay.”

Rin crossed the room and hugged Noriko. “Sleep well, Noriko. I love you.”

“Love you too.” Noriko flopped back onto the bed and faced the book again.

Rin caught Makoto’s gaze for a moment before he escaped into the hall. All his courage depleted under the full weight of what he had said. Had he just invited Makoto into his room? Would Makoto think he wanted to continue what happened on the couch, or would he be true to his innocent reputation and bring a children’s book?

Rin only had to wait a few minutes until he heard a soft knock on his door. He gathered what remained of his courage and allowed Makoto entrance.

“Come in.”

Makoto opened the door but stood in the doorway for an awkward moment before he entered and closed the door behind him. Rin was relieved to see he hadn’t brought a children’s book, but it also made him more nervous than he had been.

“Did you really want a story?”

Rin chuckled. The uncertainty in Makoto’s tone cleared some of Rin’s fears. He crossed the room and stood in front of Makoto. “Sure. Tell me what happens to Rabbit.”

“What?”

“The one in Noriko’s book caught in Wolf’s trap.”

“Oh. He frees himself. They make up. There’s a happy ending with Frog.”

Rin rubbed the back of his neck. “Right. Kid’s book.” In the darkness he could still make out the blush coloring Makoto’s ears. Although he looked different from the kid Rin had befriended during swim club, he was still the blushing, gentle person Rin had known since elementary school. But now he was in love with Rin. Things had changed.

“Um.” Makoto fidgeted and looked at the wall. “The electricity should be back on soon.”

Rin didn’t invite Makoto for small talk. He could get that any time.

“Fuck it.” Rin fisted the front of Makoto’s shirt, yanked him forward, and covered Makoto’s yelp of surprise with his mouth. For the second time that night, Rin tasted his childhood friend.

It took Makoto only a few seconds before he recovered and began to participate. He pulled Rin closer and smoothed his hands across Rin’s back. One hand ventured up until he cupped the back of Rin’s neck, and the other rested in the small of his back.

The touch was as warm and gentle as his kiss. In response to Makoto’s tenderness Rin twisted his fingers into Makoto’s hair. Makoto’s quiet groan encouraged him, but before Rin could get carried away, Makoto broke for air.

With foreheads touching, Rin listened to Makoto’s calm but quick breath. It matched his own.

“Rin.”

Makoto had said his name a thousand times, but it had never felt so good before. Rin closed his eyes and smiled.

“I might be in love with you,” Rin whispered.

Makoto was quiet just long enough for Rin to worry. He chuckled breathlessly and whispered back, “Might is good odds.”

“Noriko loves you more, but I think I have a good chance at winning your affections.”

“Hm.” Makoto drew Rin into a hug. “I love you, Rin.”

His words fell across Rin’s hair and sent a shiver down his back. Rin ignored the tears pricking his eyes and laughed a happy reply. “I know, idiot.”

 

* * *

For the past month, waking up next to Makoto had become a regular occurrence, but this morning Rin woke up sandwiched between two warm bodies. Noriko at his front and Makoto pressed against his back.

Despite the step into love, their physical relationship hadn’t ventured past kissing and cuddling. Makoto was too virtuous to make the first move, and Rin was too caught up on what sex with Makoto would mean to his past with Sousuke to take their relationship to that next step.

Although, by the unmistakable hardness against his ass and his immediate reaction to it, Rin knew neither one of them could keep apart much longer. If it wasn’t for Noriko, Rin might have been inspired to roll over and find out if Makoto was as large as he felt against his backside.

However, Rin had another, more pressing matter of his bladder to tend to. He was trapped between the two, but he knew both were heavy sleepers so he began to wiggle free of his comfortable prison.

Makoto stirred and pressed his forehead against the back of Rin’s neck, successfully stilling Rin’s movements. “Morning,” he murmured.

Rin settled back into Makoto’s hug. He made the perfect large spoon. “Morning. We have another in bed with us”

“Noriko?” Makoto lifted up his head so he could see around Rin. He smiled and rubbed his eyes. “That’s a first.”

“It is.” Rin raised his eyebrow. “I suggest you take care of that”—he rocked his hips back into Makoto—”before she wakes up.”

“Take care...?” Makoto’s face reddened when realization set in. He jerked away from Rin with an apology, misjudged the end of the bed, and tumbled to the floor, taking the blanket with him.

“Shit! Makoto!” Rin rolled to the edge. “Are you okay?”

Makoto looked more embarrassed than injured. “I’m fine.”

“Good. You idiot.” Rin smiled and heard Noriko whine about the sudden wake up.

“Sorry,” Makoto whispered again.

“Idiot.” Rin chuckled and turned to Noriko.

 

* * *

 

“Where’s the entrance to the attic?”

Makoto looked up from his task of brushing Noriko’s hair at the dining table where Rin also worked on breakfast. “In the closet in my room. Why?”

“Remember the box we put in storage?”

“The Sou—” Makoto cleared his throat. “Yes I remember.”

“I need something from it. Could you get it down for me?”

“Rin. Are you sure?” Makoto frowned and set aside the brush. Noriko hopped out of the chair and rushed into the living room to play. “It might bring up sad memories.”

“It’ll be fine.” Rin focused on the vegetables he needed to chop. Maybe Makoto was right. He didn’t want to face everything the box held. “Don’t bring down the entire box. I just need the rings from inside.” Rin set down the knife and offered Makoto a smile. “It’s important, but I can’t tell you why.”

“Okay.” Makoto pushed to his feet. “I can’t deny that smile. I’ll go up now.”

“It doesn’t need to be right now.”

“It’s important to you so it’s important to me.”

“Makoto...” Rin shook his head and chuckled. “Fine. Hurry back and help with breakfast.”

“I will.” Makoto hesitated but leaned across the table and brushed a soft kiss across Rin’s mouth. He turned and started away.

“Hey!” Rin called before Makoto could retreat too far. “If you’re going to kiss me so casually, then make it a real one.”

Makoto laughed, tilting his head. “What makes a kiss real?”

Rin clicked his tongue and looked down. “Forget it.”

Makoto walked around the table and brought Rin’s face up with a finger hooked under his chin. “If it’s a kiss you want, then it’s a kiss you’ll get.”

Rin smirked against Makoto’s lips and turned to fit into his arms.

 

* * *

 

“It’s cold,” Noriko complained, burying her face into Makoto’s sweater.

“It isn’t that cold.” Rin frowned. Maybe a visit to the ocean wasn’t the best idea for early fall.

“Be a good girl, Noriko,” Makoto said. He shifted her in his arms to block the breeze. “Your daddy brought us to the beach for a reason.” She whined again and Makoto tsk’d. “If you behave, we’ll stop for ice cream.”

Rin narrowed his eyes at Noriko’s sudden cheerful mood. “Oi. I thought it was cold.”

Makoto chuckled. “But it’s a treat.”

“You’ve spoiled her.”

“I can’t help it. She’s so cute and she reminds me of you.”

Makoto’s soft side was as an endearing as it was infuriating, but Rin loved it all the same.

“Whatever. It’s fine. This won’t take long.” From his pocket, Rin gathered the two rings Makoto had fetched that morning and held them in his palm.

“Rin?”

Rin closed his fist around them. “I still miss Sousuke, and I still love him. But I need to let him go. I have a new path and holding onto him is preventing me from moving forward.”

Makoto shifted closer. “Rin...”

“I know how this might seem, considering how we lost Sousuke, but I can’t think of a better place I want my past with Sousuke to rest.” Rin drew back his arm and threw the rings far into the waves. There in the depths he would tuck away his love for Sousuke and move ahead without guilt.

A spike of pain flooded his chest for a moment before Makoto’s hand found his. The gentle squeeze kept any sadness at bay. Rin returned the squeeze and faced the two he loved more than anyone else.

“Daddy.” Noriko tilted her head. “Why you crying?”

Rin cleared the tears with the back of his hand. “Because I’m happy.”

Makoto bent down, placed Noriko on her feet beside him, and touched Rin’s cheek. Rin leaned into the gesture and smiled.

“I fell in love with my best friend for the second time,” Rin said.

Makoto’s responding smile was tender. He pulled Rin into a warm hug and brushed his lips across Rin’s temple.

With Noriko’s hand in his, Rin returned Makoto’s embrace and considered himself lucky to have had Makoto in his life when he had needed him the most.

 

* * *

Rin poked his head into the bathroom where he could hear the untimely use of bath time. Noriko had joined Makoto’s song and the usual nursery rhyme lyrics had changed. Under her uncoordinated attempt to match words she knew to the melody, Rin heard Makoto’s voice singing a familiar song.

“Are you singing pop?”

Makoto stopped and turned to Rin with a closed eye smile and nervous laugh. “Yeah. The lyrics are easy to remember.”

“Yeah right. If you’re hiding an obsession from me, you can come clean.”

“I probably shouldn’t.”

Rin entered the room and crouched beside the tub. Makoto had filled it with double the regular amount of bubbles. Noriko sat up to her chin in suds. “First ice cream, and now you’re spoiling her with bubbles,” Rin muttered and Makoto laughed again.

“Dad.” Noriko offered Rin her palm stacked high with bubbles. Rin glanced at Makoto and noticed what was left of a similar stack on his head. Rin lowered so Noriko could place the bubbles on his head.

“Ah.” Makoto chuckled. “You look like an idol, Rin.”

“What idol are you thinking about?”

“The one Noriko created.”

Rin grinned at Noriko. “Thank you, Noriko.”

“Hm!” Noriko lowered into her bubbles. “Now sing.”

Rin glanced at Makoto again. Rin played dolls and sharks during bath time. Songs during diaper changes and then bath time were Makoto’s thing.

“Everyone knows pop music,” Makoto suggested with a cautious smile.

“A duet? Do you think I would share the spotlight with you?” Rin smirked and grabbed the nearest shampoo bottle. “I won’t be out shined, Makoto!”

Makoto’s brow rose, intrigued by Rin’s challenge.

Rin held up the shampoo bottle like a microphone and belted the first lines of a song. “ _I feel the brightness. If you embrace the sun.”_

Makoto chuckled and added the next line without pause. “ _With you every single happiness will come true!_ ”

Noriko squealed with laughter. Rin grinned at Makoto and put enthusiasm into the next line. “ _If I have a future where the white waves come pouring in_ —”

“— _then I’ll get barefoot_ —”

“— _and run straight ahead_ ,” they sang in harmony.

Makoto took the next line with a bite of laughter. “ _I was always coming and going to the same place_.”

“ _Even though it was a detour_ —”

“— _it was also a shortcut_.”

Rin lowered to his knees and directed the final line of the short duet to Noriko. “ _So shine as we are_!” Noriko laughed and splashed down into the water. Makoto leaned away from the spray. His laughter mixed with Noriko’s and the sound warmed Rin to his core.

“I should’ve expected you’d know pop songs,” Makoto said between breaths of his slowing laughter.

“The lyrics are easy to remember,” Rin teased and flicked the dying bubbles from his head at Makoto. Makoto’s resulting smile was brighter than a summer afternoon.

 

* * *

 

After bath time, Rin and Noriko settled into her bed and listened to Makoto read the story about Rabbit and Wolf. Noriko fell asleep long before Frog returned, but by now even Rin had the ending memorized. Makoto ensured him Noriko’s favorite bedtime story would change once again in another week or so.

Rin left a gentle kiss on her forehead and joined Makoto in the hallway.

“Did we leave dishes?” Makoto asked.

“Yeah.” Rin closed Noriko’s door. “I think a few.”

“I’ll clean them before bed.”

“You work in the morning.”

“It’s not yet 9. I’ll be fine.”

Rin clicked his teeth. “I can help. Then we’ll go to bed. Together.”

“Thank you, Rin.” Makoto smiled brightly. “Your room or mine tonight?”

Rin looked at the door at the end of the hall. It seemed strange, but Rin had avoided Makoto’s room. It was another step he had yet to take, but that morning he put to rest his past, so he was free to move forward. “Yours.”

“Rin?”

Rin looked at Makoto and frowned at the crease of worry across Makoto’s brow. “What?”

“Do you want—? Would it be okay if we move your stuff? We’ve been sharing your room for a few weeks. Might as well make it official and share the larger room.”

“Official,” Rin echoed. Last month that word would’ve stretched the scar tissue tight, but Rin was in love. Even if the change hurt, Makoto would sooth it. “I’d like that.”

“Really?” Makoto chuckled. “I’m happy!”

Rin matched Makoto’s smile, and his spirit was no longer dampened by the small tug of guilt he feared he would never shake.

He stepped forward and tugged Makoto into a kiss. Makoto’s hands found the usual resting spot on his hips. It was now a familiar weight but Makoto’s thumb sneaking under Rin’s shirt to ghost across his skin ignited the flame Rin had avoided since their first kiss shared a month ago.

Rin pulled away with a retreating nip on Makoto’s lower lip. “Leave the dishes.”

“Eh?” Makoto’s surprised expression was as endearing as his tender smiles. “Why?”

“Trust me.” Rin ran a finger over Makoto’s belt.

Makoto took the hint and pushed a hand under Rin’s shirt, around to the small of his back. Makoto had touched Rin’s skin more than a few times during their years of friendship, but it had never burned like that before. Rin pulled Makoto in for an open mouth kiss and angled his body to press against Makoto. It made slipping the belt free a bit difficult but Rin managed to strip the belt before Makoto’s other hand closed around his hair.

Makoto broke from the kiss. “Not here.”

Rin agreed with a bump into the growing interest in Makoto’s trousers.

 

* * *

Safely hidden behind Makoto’s door, Rin removed and tossed his shirt to the side. Makoto’s eyes widened. Rin had lived with him for close to two years so he knew Makoto’s friends and his lack of dates. Neither one had touched another in the time they shared a home.

“It isn’t like I haven’t seen it before,” Rin teased and Makoto squeezed the hem of his shirt. His blush was endearing but Rin needed more than adorable right now.

“Seen what?”

Rin sighed. The Makoto from the hallway had retreated back into an innocent shell. “We’ve changed in front of each other since elementary school.”

Makoto nodded and carefully removed his shirt. He folded it in half and searched for a place to set it, but settled for the floor at his feet.

Rin took two steps and forced Makoto against the bed. He sat down and Rin shoved him onto his back. Makoto’s shocked expression was cute, but Rin knew somewhere hidden beneath Makoto’s manners he’d find the experienced touch he needed.

Rin straddled Makoto and scratched his nails lightly down his chest. He smirked at Makoto’s gasp. “You’re like Sousuke.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your size makes you look intimidating, but it’s deceitful.” Rin adjusted his position on Makoto’s torso, lining their hardening lengths together. “Sousuke was shy during sex too. Docile, even.” Rin leaned down, pushing his fingers into Makoto’s hair. He heard Makoto’s sharp intake of air and whispered in his ear. “I don’t mind the blushing virgin act, if it’s what you like.”

Makoto grabbed Rin’s wrists, hooked a leg around his, and flipped him. Rin stared at Makoto’s grin, shocked by the sudden change of position and show of strength. Makoto pinned his wrists and used his thighs to part Rin’s legs. Rin’s heart thundered in his chest.

“Do you prefer to be the docile one, Rin?”

Rin inhaled deeply and tested Makoto’s grip on his wrists. Makoto tightened his grasp, and Rin went still.

“I—” A thrilling mix of fear and desire pumped through Rin’s blood. However, he had frequently witnessed the type of person Makoto was. Makoto went out of his way to feed stray cats, and he worried about any insect that made its way indoors. The challenge issued from the gentle giant Makoto could no way be real.

“Do you want me to be a blushing virgin, Rin?” Makoto altered his question, but pushed Rin’s wrists up to the top of the mattress.

“No.” Rin grinned. He wanted to see just how far Makoto could take this bravado. “This is fine.”

“I’ll be gentle.”

“I have no doubt.”

“Unless you don’t want gentle.” Makoto rolled his hips into Rin. Rin’s eyes fluttered closed.

“Fuck.” It had been a long time since Rin had desired another. And he wanted Makoto any way he could have him. “I don’t care, Makoto. Just don’t tease.”

Makoto lowered his head and mouthed Rin’s neck. “Don’t move.” His grasp lifted from Rin’s wrists. Rin wanted to seek out and touch Makoto, but he obeyed the softly spoken order and waited for Makoto’s next move.

With a careful and agonizing slow touch, Makoto lowered Rin’s jeans and boxers. Rin swallowed the bite of embarrassment under Makoto’s observation. He had never been body conscious before and refused to start now, but he had never seen Makoto look at him in such a way.

“Like what you see?” Rin taunted and Makoto tugged the article of clothing free of Rin’s foot.

“Yes.” Makoto crawled back between Rin’s legs and licked the length of Rin’s cock. Rin inhaled sharply at the rush of pleasure from Makoto’s sudden certainty.

“Fuck, Makoto.”

Makoto answered with a soft hum and a kiss on the crown. A moment later, he took all of Rin in his mouth and Rin forgot about Makoto’s order and grabbed Makoto’s hair.

“Shit,” he hissed, jerking upward. Makoto stilled his hips with a hand. Rin rolled his head back and let Makoto work his length with one hand following his mouth. He was surprisingly good at it and it made Rin a little bit curious about Makoto’s relationship history, and a tad guilty he couldn’t remember ever asking his friend about a lover.

Makoto’s hand left his cock and a finger teased his entrance. A thrill tightened his stomach. Makoto pulled away and looked at him. His expression asked “what’s wrong?” and Rin realize he had stopped breathing.

“Yes.” Rin breathed out in a rush. “That. That’s fine. That’s what I want.”

Makoto smiled and backed out of his position. “Don’t move this time.”

Rin pushed up to his elbows and watched Makoto dig in a drawer, close it, and try another. He found a bottle and returned to his spot between Rin’s legs.

“You moved.”

Rin laughed. “I want to watch.”

Something flashed in Makoto’s eyes, but he lowered his gaze and blocked Rin’s view of the green hues that had sent a nervous chill across his skin.

Makoto’s tongue directed Rin’s length back into his mouth. The sight of his lips stretched around Rin’s cock served as a visual distraction from the burn of Makoto’s finger pushing inside. Rin hardly cared about the initial discomfort, and soon the pain was washed away completely by Makoto’s mouth and his fingers’ constant tease against his prostate.

“Fuuuck.” Rin dropped his head back. Makoto was killing him one circle of his tongue at a time.

“Do you want to come?”

Rin looked down at Makoto. He was almost unrecognizable with slightly swollen lips, desire burning the green hues, and that lewd question on his tongue.

“Yes.” Rin’s throat burned and his voice sounded raw already.

Makoto smiled and added a second finger. “Then come for me, Rin.”

“If I do, then—”

“We have lots of time—not just tonight.” Makoto took Rin back into his mouth, and Rin covered his with the back of his hand and the other held Makoto’s hair.

Rin had anticipated a quick end, but at this rate Makoto would rip an orgasm from him before Rin had a chance to wrap his mind around the fact that their step into intimacy erased one more thing he had shared with Sousuke.

Makoto took him to his throat and Rin cried out a warning. His hips jerked under Makoto and Rin came with a soft cry of Makoto’s name. He hadn’t expected Makoto to swallow, but he hadn’t expected Makoto to behave as he just had.

Rin took long, deeps breaths and Makoto crawled up the bed to his side. He kissed his temple.

“What the hell, Makoto?”

Makoto frowned. “What?”

“Where’d you learn that? I thought you were the sweet innocent one.”

Makoto laughed. “I guess it’s like you said. Looks are deceitful.”

Rin smirked and rolled to face him. “Whatever. Let’s take care of you now.” He directed Makoto to his back, and with Makoto’s help, freed him of his remaining clothes. Makoto’s cock was flushed and leaking against his stomach.

“Do you want me—?” Rin licked his lips. He had never perfected giving head and after Makoto’s performance, he feared he might embarrass himself. Not that technique mattered all too much.

“I just want you, Rin.” Makoto sat up. He took Rin’s hand and directed him into his lap. His kiss was gentle and Rin felt warmth under his ribcage were the vice of grief had once squeezed the breath out of him.

He followed Makoto’s hand along his cock, pumping him at the pace set by Makoto. Soon Makoto’s breath against his lips became labored. Rin lowered his head and licked Makoto’s jaw, neck, ear, and returned to his mouth just as Makoto’s fingers closed around Rin’s hair and he came into their joined hands.

He kissed Rin gently once again and Rin counted the seconds it took for him to relax his almost painful grip of Rin’s hair.

“I love you.”

Rin met Makoto’s whispered words with a smile and a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Sacygnus for the song suggestion, and right---meow for making that bathroom scene happen.  
> (the song: www.animelyrics.com/jpop/boa/shineweare.htm)
> 
> Now that Rin has pretty much become Makoto's, it's safe to assume the crazy starts in chapter 8. ;)  
> Thank you for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't supposed to be 50% sex but oh well. There's plot progress with Haru as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta was still unavailable so this has been read by my eyes only. I expect typos. Also, my original chapter 8 file was lost to the great beyond...I put this together today. (there are probably errors)
> 
> Enjoy!

**Chapter Eight**

The three of them piled onto the couch and waited for the short televised interview of Haru following his final competition. Noriko fell asleep in Rin’s lap after 9 pm. Twenty minutes later, Rin and Makoto watched Haru explain his retirement, thank his supporters, and smile on camera for the first time in his professional career.

Rin found it odd that his smile seemed less genuine than any of the smaller ones he’d seen from his friend. It was stranger that he won second place when he had claimed his times weren’t improving. But Rin had grown out of his need to push Haru. If Haru wanted to retired, then it wasn’t Rin’s place to question him.

“You two look comfortable.” Makoto turned the TV off and smiled at Rin.

“My leg’s asleep.”

“Want me to carry her to bed?”

Rin brushed Noriko’s hair from her face. “I’ll take her up.”

“Then I’ll meet you upstairs.” Makoto stood and Rin tilted his head back to meet Makoto’s parting kiss.

Rin would eventually grow used to the flooding warmth resulting from every touch, but until then he embraced the feeling with a smile he could only guess displayed just how love struck Makoto had him.

He gathered the dozing toddler and headed up the stairs behind Makoto. Noriko stirred when he placed her in bed, but after she clutched her shark plushie to her chest she fell back asleep. Rin left a kiss across her forehead and closed her door.

Rin passed the empty room that had once been his and entered the one he now shared with Makoto. Makoto had changed into his usual pajamas that included a slightly oversized shirt. Rin paused in the doorway and watched Makoto set his alarm. The nightly ritual.

“Are you going to bed already?” Rin asked, heading to the dresser.

“I might read. It’s too early to sleep.”

Rin grabbed his pajamas from a drawer. “I don’t remember you reading this much in high school or university.”

“I think it started in university.”

Rin removed his shirt and jeans. Changing clothes in a bed room in front of Makoto was different but still felt normal. “Do you only read classics?”

“Do you think of me that way?”

“What way? Someone who reads literature instead of trashy novels?” Rin pulled on his top and sweat pants. “I guess so. I can’t picture you reading bad fiction.”

Makoto chuckled and sat down on the bed. “As long as it’s written for my age group, and not a story about Rabbit and his friends, I’ll read it.”

“I like it.” Rin got into bed and waited for Makoto to settle into his side. He moved over and put his arm across Makoto’s chest. Makoto draped his arm over Rin and pulled him closer. “I’ll just watch you read from here.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” Rin inhaled. Makoto surrounded him and that warmth inside forced a complacent smile permanently on his lips.

“Won’t you get bored?”

“No. I used to do this with Sousuke. Except he read magazine and news articles in bed.”

“Oh.” Makoto put aside his book.

Rin lifted his head. “What is it?”

With a gentle but firm hand, Makoto guided him onto his back. He kissed Rin’s neck and whispered, “I have a better idea.”

“I already like this idea.” Rin stripped off his black tank and let it fall to the floor. Makoto smoothed a hand down Rin’s chest. He curved the path around Rin’s stomach to his side and dipped his fingers past the waistline of Rin’s sweatpants.

“I’m glad you like it.” Makoto’s touch ventured lower and rounded Rin’s cheek. “Are you going to compare what we do with what you’ve done with Sousuke?”

Rin frowned, realizing he might have done that a few times. “No. I won’t.”

Makoto pressed his mouth against Rin’s jaw. “Tell me what you’ve _never_ done with Sousuke.”

The question bordered territory Rin didn’t want to tread. And how Makoto expected him to make a list of things he hadn’t done was asking a bit much. Who would easily know that?

“I don’t know.” Rin tugged at Makoto’s shirt. He had been the one who brought Sousuke up, so he would distract Makoto enough to forget about it. “But it doesn’t matter.”

Makoto allowed Rin to remove his shirt and draw him into a slow kiss. Rin mapped Makoto’s back with both hands and moaned into his mouth every time Makoto reminded him of his hand placement with a finger teased against his hole.

“I never rode,” Rin said against Makoto’s lips. “It’s like sex 101 position, but with Sousuke’s shoulder I never—he said it was fine, but still.”

Makoto dragged his lips down Rin’s neck and kissed his collarbone. “Sousuke never really got that pain under control. It weakened his strength.”

“Yeah. I guess.” Rin pressed up against Makoto. He didn’t want to think about Sousuke anymore. He wanted Makoto.

“Rin.” Makoto’s voice vibrated against his skin. Rin raised his hips again, wanting Makoto’s attention elsewhere.

Makoto lowered Rin’s pants and Rin lifted his bottom half so Makoto could remove them completely. The bottle of lube had been moved to the night stand within easy reach. Makoto nudged Rin’s legs apart and asked permission from Rin with just a look. Rin nodded, and Makoto eased a single finger inside of him.

One finger became two fingers. Slow deliberate movements became quicker. And silence became a request for confirmation of Rin’s physical readiness and mental preparedness.

“Are you okay, Rin?”

“Yes.”

“Is this okay?”

“Yes, Makoto. Fuck.”

Makoto chuckled at Rin’s slipping composure and twisted his fingers to rub his prostate. Rin gripped Makoto by his shoulders to restrain from touching himself. He didn’t want it to end like the night before.

“Makoto, please.” Rin wasn’t near a breaking point, but his desire was building rapidly.

Makoto grinned and withdrew his fingers. “You ask so nicely.”

Rin snorted. “Shut up.”

Makoto stood and discarded his pajamas. He crawled back into bed and to the other side of Rin. He sat with his back against the head board and motioned for Rin to come closer.

Rin smirked, understanding the intention. Makoto watched him straddle his lap. His gaze hot enough to coax out a flush to Rin’s skin.

With one hand Makoto positioned his cock and his other hand on Rin’s back guided him. Rin rested his arms around Makoto’s shoulders and lowered himself. The initial stretch burned. Makoto stroked his thumb over Rin’s hipbone and peppered his jawline and neck with kisses.

Rin wanted to laugh at the cuteness but the distraction served its purpose. Makoto was seated inside of Rin and Rin still counted the pecks of gentle lips across his collarbone.

“You’re beautiful.”

Rin snorted at the cliché, despite secretly enjoying the praise. “And you’re sappy.”

“You love sappy.”

“Shut up.”

Makoto smiled at him, and Rin fell in love again. He kissed him to hide the overwhelming warmth in his chest.

With a roll of his hips and slight lift of his body, Rin tested movement. His pace started slow and gradually increased. Makoto kept one hand in the small of Rin’s back and the other played in Rin’s hair, preventing Rin from hiding his face in the crook of Makoto’s neck.

After a while when Rin’s thighs began to take notice of the exertion and his breath came faster and harder, he thanked his current exercise regime and took note to add more thigh workouts. If his legs gave up when he needed them the most, he’d never outlive the embarrassment.

Makoto took Rin’s cock in his hand, smearing the precum down the length. Rin gasped and his pace stuttered to a halt. He was close but unwilling to chase after an orgasm. He wanted more time.

Makoto ran his hand up Rin’s back. “Let me.”

Rin accepted Makoto’s request with a nod. Makoto held Rin and changed their position, placing Rin on his back. He exhaled against Rin’s neck, and Rin shifted, wrapping his legs around Makoto.

The new position alleviated strain for Rin but took away the control he had had. Makoto set the pace. Makoto decided the strength of his thrusts. With his hips pinned by Makoto’s grasp, the only thing Rin could do was roll his head back and use his voice to encourage Makoto’s movements.

Makoto hummed his approval against his neck. Rin knew he needed to restrain his vocal praise of Makoto’s ability to make every touch feel incredible, but Makoto murmured his name against his ear and drove logical thought out of his head.

“Fuuuck,” Rin gasped, digging his fingers into Makoto’s shoulder blades. He was close and needed the smallest push over the edge.

Makoto slowed and pulled Rin back. Rin’s noise of frustration was meet with a kiss. Makoto began anew, rolling his hips. Rin turned his head away from Makoto’s kiss to suck in more air. He pressed up into Makoto, unashamed of the noises he made. Makoto stilled. The buildup once again slipped away.

“Damn it.” Rin swore.

Makoto’s hand pressed against Rin’s mouth. “You need to quiet down. Noriko might hear.”

His lowered, harsh tone sounded threatening if Rin hadn’t known Makoto for almost his whole life. It was a voice Rin never expected from him, but Makoto had surprised him more than once.

For a moment Rin believed Makoto’s concern about their sleeping daughter down the hall, but then he lifted his hand away just as he pressed into Rin. Rin stifled the resulting moan with his fist. Makoto had done that on purpose.

“Are you going to be good, Rin?”

Rin exhaled a shaky breath. He was strung out and in need of something Makoto seemed determined to keep from him. It occurred to him that they had managed to find something he and Sousuke had never done: delayed gratification and whatever play of power Makoto acted.

“Yeah.” Rin rested his wrist below his mouth, prepared to quiet himself as needed. “I expected less from you Makoto.”

Makoto licked his throat. “But you’re not disappointed.”

“No. It’s always the quiet ones.” Rin bucked and captured Makoto’s ear lobe between his teeth. Makoto obviously liked to play. Rin just had to learn the rules.

Makoto grunted a response so Rin released him. Makoto hugged Rin close and rocked into him fast and hard. Rin held onto Makoto’s back and buried his noises into Makoto’s shoulder.

This time Makoto didn’t stop until Rin came. Rin quieted himself by pressing his teeth into Makoto’s shoulder. It wasn’t something he’d done before. It was off of the list Makoto wanted.

Makoto drew out his name out into a moan and slowed until he stilled. Rin relaxed against the mattress, falling away from Makoto.

Makoto rested with his head beside Rin’s. His breaths came a little faster than Rin’s.

“You bit me.”

Rin laughed at Makoto’s scandalized tone. It was a ridiculous statement to break the silence. “Sorry. You’re not bleeding.” Rin ran his fingers along the fading ridges he’d left behind.

“I can’t believe Rin’s a biter.” Makoto groaned against Rin’s neck. “It’s always the nice ones.”

Laughter bubbled into Rin’s throat, spurred by the release of endorphins. “I’ll bite you again.”

Makoto lifted up to his arms and smiled down at Rin. “Was that better than watching me read?”

“Yeah. And I think I’ll sleep a lot easier now.”

“Let’s get cleaned up. Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Rin touched Makoto’s cheek. He was still flushed and sweaty and Rin loved it. “I’m okay.”

“Good.” Makoto kissed his nose. “I never want to hurt you.”

 

* * *

 

Rin woke up alone with cold sheets on Makoto’s side. He listened to the birds outside and the quietness of the house. He suspected Makoto was down stairs with Noriko, but he couldn’t hear the kitchen as he had been able to from the guest room.

Stealing a glance at the clock, Rin decided to join the two for breakfast before Makoto sent a search party for him. Rin groaned and rolled out of bed against the protest his sore muscles put up. He’d check himself for bruising later.

Downstairs Makoto stood at the stove and Noriko sat at the table with crayons and a coloring book. Rin kissed her head and continued around the table to Makoto’s side.

“Morning,” he said against Makoto’s shoulder. He felt Makoto’s lips brush his temple.

“Are you hungry?”

“Starving.” Rin let his hand ghost across Makoto’s butt as he pulled away. Makoto gave him a smile over his shoulder.

“Breakfast will be ready soon.”

Rin sat down beside Noriko and winced at the not so gentle reminder of the night before.

“Are you okay, Rin?”

Rin waved away Makoto’s concern. “I’m fine.”

“Was I too rough?”

“I’m just not used to it.”

“Oh.”

Rin checked that Noriko’s attention was given to her coloring before he added, “But maybe less rough would make things easier.”

“I’m sorry, Rin. I thought you’d enjoy it.”

Rin sighed. He had enjoyed it, but two nights of that in one week and he might not leave bed the next day. “It isn’t that.”

Makoto’s phone face down on the table rang and Makoto frowned at it. He flipped it over to display the name of the caller. “Ah. It’s Haru.”

“Probably calling about yesterday. Take it.”

“Sorry Rin. We’ll continue in a moment.” Makoto answered the call and Rin turned his head so he could watch Noriko scribble color across the page with reckless indifference of the lines.

“Hello, Haru. We watched your intervie—eh? You what?”

Rin looked up, noting the concern in Makoto’s tone. Makoto offered Rin an empty smile and walked into the hallway and out of view. Rin gave Noriko his attention once again. Whatever Haru had said would be reiterated later.

Noriko explained her coloring to Rin in broken sentences and hurried words that jumbled together. Her enthusiasm was endearing.

Makoto returned and Rin frowned at his expression. It was his usual fretting face, but he looked borderline angry which didn’t make much sense after a conversation with Haru.

“Haru was injured,” Makoto explained.

“Is he okay? What happened?”

“Yes. It’s a minor problem with his knee. He said he tripped on some stairs after dinner with the team.”

“That’s unlucky. But it doesn’t change the competition results. He still retired with silver.” Rin grinned but Makoto’s expression remained unmoved. “Is there more bad news?”

“No.” Makoto looked at his phone. “But I think he lied to me.”

“Like Haru has a reason to lie to you of all people.”

“You’re right. But I’m going to check on something.” Makoto started away with his phone in his hand.

“Check on what?”

“I’m calling his manager,” Makoto answered and ducked into the backyard.

Rin frowned. It was strange for Makoto to take a call in private like that.

Rin’s phone rang and he dug into his pocket for it. Haru’s name appeared on the screen. “What the—?” He answered it and Haru spoke before he could greet him.

“Where’s Makoto?”

“Um. Nice to hear from you, Haru. Makoto’s outside. He said he wanted to call your manager. Does he have that number?”

“Yes.”

“Did you really fall down some stairs?”

“I have to go.”

The line silenced and Rin growled. “What the hell, Haru?”

The door to the porch opened and Rin glanced at Makoto. His eyes widened. For as long as Rin had known Makoto he could only remember seeing him truly outraged twice, but it was evident that Makoto was angry.

“What—?”

“It was his teammate,” Makoto said. “At the dinner a teammate got drunk and Haru helped him back to the hotel. That teammate fell on the stairs and took Haru with him.”

“Well, at least we know Haru hasn’t lost his graceful gait.”

Makoto didn’t laugh at the joke. Rin cleared his throat.

“Hey, Haru is fine,” Rin tried. “It isn’t like he can’t heal. Plus that was his final race, so an injured knee didn’t end his career. His life will be leisurely now and he’ll be fine faster than you expect.”

Makoto nodded. “I guess you’re right. I’ll let it be, then. Thank you, Rin.”

“What are you thanking me for?” Rin chuckled but something about Makoto’s smile didn’t sit well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the story will now be 10 chapters long. Haru is back in Iwatobi by next chapter and Rin finds Makoto's secret. (I just made it sound like this is a cheating fic. It is NOT a cheating fic...cheating is worse than murder. tsk) Haru is pivotal for Rin being a nosy rabbit, that's all.
> 
> Once again, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it so far :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin finds something in the attic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta again...forgive my errors.   
> Also, I started this with a blatant disregard for time, and that won't be fixed this far into the story lol. It's completely understandable even if it isn't accurate.
> 
> Finally, this was a bit of writing practice for me in regard to Rin's emotions during certain scenes. I tried not to put too much time into it (because homework), but I might return later and tweak anything I feel I left too "flat."
> 
> okay. That's all from me. Enjoy!

**Chapter Nine**

“Did you have to keep every piece of paper?” Rin dropped another stack into the recycle bin.

“Sorry. I don’t mean to.” Makoto scratched his cheek. “You don’t have to help. I can do it.”

“It’ll go faster this way.” Rin opened the next file drawer in the swim club office and frowned at the paperwork clutter inside. “You aren’t very organized, Makoto. At least tell me it isn’t completely your mess.”

Makoto chuckled nervously. It was enough of an answer. Rin sighed.

Noriko dropped her crayon and it rolled across the desk. She jumped after it and knocked into a box balanced on the edge. It fell on its side on the floor. Papers cascaded out, covering the floor. Rin and Makoto froze, surprised by the disaster. Noriko inhaled sharply and started to cry.

“Oh, Noriko.” Makoto knelt at her side. “It’s okay. It’s just paper.” She sniffed twice and stopped crying.

Rin got down to his knees and shuffled the nearest receipts and paperwork into a pile. A date on the top of a receipt caught his attention, and for the first time since his first kiss with Makoto three months ago, Rin’s chest ached. The smallest reminders could hurt the most.

“Rin?”

“Sorry. The date.” Rin couldn’t find the words he needed but he knew Makoto understood.

“I’ll take care of this box.” Makoto slipped the printed receipt from Rin’s fingers. The information beneath the date registered just before it left Rin’s view.

“You were in Tokyo in May two years ago? After you moved back to Iwatobi?” He looked up at Makoto.

“Yeah. I went back to Tokyo a few times. Haru lived there.”

Rin nodded. That made sense. “That was the day Sousuke—” Rin stopped himself. He had already let go of the past. It had no right crawling back. “Heh. If only you had come by that night. Sousuke might have stayed home.”

Makoto lifted Noriko into his arms. “But then where would you and I be today?”

Rin saw through his smile to the hurt beneath and realized how careless his words had been.

“You’re right.” Rin stood and smiled at Makoto and Noriko. “It was a painful path to reach each other but I’m happy.”

“I’m glad.” Makoto placed his hand on the back of Rin’s neck and kissed him.

 

* * *

Rin put away the kickboards and stretched his back. The evening classes seemed to last longer than afternoon or morning. Footsteps heading into the pool area drew his attention. Haru stepped out from the locker room.

“Haru? What are you doing here?”

Haru remained dressed, but Rin knew that hardly meant he wouldn’t strip poolside and swim.

“I wanted to swim. You’re here late.”

“Cleaning up.” Rin motioned toward the racks of kickboards and other floating devices. “I told the others not to wait for me.”

“They make an owner do that?”

“I’m only a part-time instructor. Makoto is the half owner.”

“And you’re sleeping with—”

“Shut up.”

Haru lowered his eyes and his lips turned up. The little shit was laughing.

Rin crossed his arms. “If you want to swim, swim. Just clean up after yourself.”

“You’re not going to challenge me?”

Rin lowered his arms. “Is your knee fully healed?”

“Yes. It was minor. Makoto overreacted.” Haru turned his head toward the pool. “He’s still angry about it.”

“He seems normal to me.”

“Makoto hides it, but it’s there.”

“Right. Well, no race for me tonight, Haru. I’m too tired. I’ve been here since early this morning helping Makoto clean the office. I just want to get home.”

“How are things with Makoto?”

“Great.” Rin smiled but noticed Haru’s dubious look. How he always knew when something was wrong bordered on weird. “Uh. I guess I said something stupid today about Sousuke, but I think he forgave me. It isn’t like Makoto to hold a grudge anyway.”

“What did you say?”

“Do you remember the night Sousuke died?”

“Yeah. I was at team training camp.”

Rin frowned. “Were you?”

“You couldn’t reach me until three days later.”

“Oh. That’s right.” Grief and shock during the first six months following Sousuke’s death had made Rin’s memory fuzzy at best and completely blank at worst. “I forgot.”

“What about it?”

“Uh.” Rin rubbed his temple. “Makoto said was in Tokyo with you that night.”

Haru shrugged. “If Makoto said he was with me, he probably meant the camp. We left from Tokyo.”

“They let Makoto observe training?”

Haru shrugged again. “It was a long time ago.”

“Right.” Rin sighed. The explanation sounded right. But it would’ve been fine if Makoto had said so from the start.

“Makoto worries you’re jealous.”

“Huh?” Rin held back a laugh. “Jealous of what?”

“Me. That might be why he didn’t say he went with me to my training camp.”

“You guys are friends, and there isn’t a difference between camp and a visit.”

“There is. So don’t mention it.” Haru turned on his heels and started back into the locker room.

“Hey, Haru. I thought you wanted to swim.”

“I changed my mind.”

Rin frowned at Haru’s retreating back. His friend hadn’t seemed the same after his retirement.

 

* * *

Rin made it home just after Makoto placed dinner on the table. He joined the two, taking the chair beside Noriko.

“Haru came by the pool after closing.”

Makoto smiled. “He must be feeling better.”

“Do you think he’s been acting weird since he returned?”

“Not really. How do you mean?”

“I don’t know. He’s Haru so it’s hard to get a read on him, but he doesn’t seem happy. He left without even touching the water. I’ve never known him to change his mind about swimming.”

Makoto frowned and looked down at his plate. “He must miss it.”

“Maybe. But if he missed it, would we really be able to keep him _out_ of the pool?”

“Haru needs to work things out in his own way. I’m sure he’s fine, but I can talk to him tomorrow after my shift if you want me to check.”

Rin nodded. If anyone could understand Haru, it would be Makoto. “Thanks, Makoto.”

“I thought I’d take Noriko with me to work tomorrow. There’s a class for kids three and up, and she’s almost three so they’ll allow her to participate. It’ll be some interaction with kids her own age too.”

“Okay. Do you want me to come with?”

“If you want. But maybe if you’re worried about Haru, you could visit him. Since he’s been, you haven’t seen him as much as I thought you would.”

“I’ve been distracted. By you.”

Makoto chuckled. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Rin smiled. “But I think I will see Haru tomorrow. You might not need to talk with him if I can find out if anything is bothering him.”

“Just don’t make him angry, Rin.”

Rin scoffed and then grinned at Makoto’s tease. “I won’t.”

 

* * *

The next day Rin walked to Haru’s house after Makoto and Noriko left for the swim club. Haru answered his door after the third ring of the bell, and let Rin inside with a quiet huff of air.

Rin followed Haru into his living room and sat at the table. Haru made tea and joined him. The silence was comfortable. Rin hated took break it.

“Why did you retire?”

“I couldn’t return to Iwatobi and continue swimming,” Haru answered without pause.

“Why return if you wanted to stay on the team? Does it have to do with your family?”

“No.” Haru studied Rin. Rin couldn’t read Haru as well as Makoto had always seemed able to, but he could tell Haru was thinking. Rin waited with his patience growing thinner the longer the silence stretched.

“Haru,” Rin prompted. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“Nothing.” Haru turned his head. “I reached my goal. It was time to come home.”

“Okay. And what do you want now?”

Haru looked at Rin, annoyance creased his brow. “What do you mean?”

“I retired because I had found something I wanted more than the national stage: Noriko. I discovered that I wanted a family. What do you want now that you’ve retired?” The question seemed simple to Rin, but Haru scowled and got to his feet. “Huh? Haru?”

“How’s Makoto?” Haru entered the kitchen.

Rin didn’t approve of the topic change, but he had learned long ago that sometimes it was easier to follow Haru’s conversation path than force a singular route. “Makoto is fine.”

“Are you two happy?”

“Yes.” Rin leaned his elbow on the table and smiled. “Everything is going well.”

Haru returned with a bottle of water. “Would you be with Makoto if Sousuke was still alive?”

“Huh?” Rin frowned. “Why would you ask that?”

“Would you?”

Rin scoffed. Either way he answered would make him sound like a cruel person. Either he hadn’t loved Sousuke, or he didn’t love Makoto. “I don’t want to answer that. There’s no point. Sousuke _isn’t_ alive.”

“Makoto worries about it.”

“Did he say something to you?”

“He didn’t have to. I know it isn’t easy for him to be the second choice.”

“He isn’t—” Rin sighed. In a way, Makoto was a second choice. Before Sousuke’s death, Rin couldn’t have imagined leaving Sousuke for Makoto. However, if he had been meant to with Makoto, then something else might have pulled him and Sousuke apart.

“Makoto smiles a lot, but he’s insecure.” Haru cradled his water battle. “But anyone would worry about being the second lover.”

Run lowered his gaze. He had a tendency to ignore hints and take Makoto’s word on any issue, but he knew Makoto was the type to lie to keep attention off of himself. “I think you’re right. About Makoto.”

“Things might be easier for you if you let him know you don’t think about Sousuke anymore.”

“That would be a lie. Sousuke was a part of me. I can’t deny those years. Why would Makoto want that? He wouldn’t.”

“Hm.” Haru studied his bottle of water. He hadn’t opened it yet. “Fine. Just be sure to reassure Makoto that you don’t regret anything.”

Rin frowned. Haru had always been a little strange, but his advice was on par with his belief that water was alive. “Seriously, did Makoto say something? This seems—”

“I’m trying to help you.”

Intensity flashed in Haru’s blue eyes. Rin accepted the cryptic advice with a strained smile. “Thanks, Haru.”

Haru nodded and lowered his gaze back to the water bottle. “I think it will make things easier for you if you avoid the Sousuke topic.”

“I will.” Maybe Rin had brought up Sousuke one too many times. It wasn’t like Makoto to put his feelings in front of Rin’s, so it was possible each mention of Sousuke had hurt him. Haru had a strange way of explaining it, but Rin believed he understood. “Thank you, Haru, but I came here to help you.”

“I’m fine, Rin.”

A part of Rin wanted to argue. How Haru was now reminded Rin of Haru’s state in high school before he found his dream. But they were older now. Haru could work out a new dream on his own.

“I’m glad you’re back,” Rin said instead. Haru smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Me too, Rin.”

 

* * *

The house was empty when Rin returned. He stood in the living room and studied his surroundings. Colorings created by Noriko hung on the fridge, framed photos of the three decorated wall space, and Makoto had insisted Rin’s swimming achievements be displayed. The house was definitely a home—Rin’s home.

Sousuke was gone and Rin had moved on. He and Makoto had surrounded themselves with undeniable evidence of their life together. Their path might not have started very long ago, but it didn’t make it any less real.

Rin started up the stairs with an idea that could ease any insecurity Makoto might have. He had known Sousuke since elementary school, but Makoto and Haru had been special to him as well. Rin still had a photo from their first relay. It could a point of reference for Makoto to understand their path had started long ago—it just took a while to reach where they were now.

Rin pushed aside hanging clothes from Makoto’s side of the closet and looked up at the ceiling where he could see the outline of the attic hatch. It pulled down without a sound and Rin unfolded the ladder. He could see some sunlight above so he ventured up without a flashlight.

The attic was well organized and free of the expected dust build up. He crossed the small space, the wooden floor creaking under his weight. The box marked “Sousuke” wasn’t in obvious view so Rin crouched at the first shelf and read the labels marking each identical plastic box. He moved until he reached the end and crossed to the shelf on the other side of the room.

His search finished without a clear indication of which box could contain his things from Tokyo, so he chose the first unmarked plastic bin. It was heavier than he remembered the “Sousuke” box to be, but he would check every container if he had to.

He set it on the floor between the storage shelves and opened it. Clothes. He closed the bin and pulled the next unlabeled one to the floor. Inside were two shoe boxes. Rin frowned. He hadn’t brought shoe boxes with him from Tokyo, so this wasn’t his storage either.

Another box beneath the shoe boxes caught his eye. Maybe Makoto had stacked items within the bins. He removed both shoe boxes but the cardboard underneath was labeled “Ren / Ran.”

At first sight, Makoto’s organizational skills had seemed impressive, but they were truly just as deplorable here as in his office at the swim club.

Rin sighed and picked up the shoe boxes to return them. One slipped from his grasp and fell to the floor on its side. The lid popped off and sent the photographs inside spilling out.

“Damn it,” Rin muttered, righting the box. He scooped the photos and turned them over to place them back to their original location.

The top photo made his breath catch.

It was him. He recognized the photo from when Makoto and Nagisa had visited him and Sousuke in Australia. The person on his right was Nagisa, and the one on his left was Sousuke. Except in this photo, Sousuke’s face had been scratched out, leaving the white paper beneath visible.

It was an eerie thing to see. Rin smoothed his thumb across the rough lines left behind. The attic was well insulated but Rin felt a chill cover his body.

He flipped the photo and the one behind it, from the same visit, was just Rin. The third and fourth were Rin with Nagisa and Rin with Makoto. The fifth had Sousuke in the background, behind Rin, but Sousuke’s face had once again been scratched out beyond recognition.

“The hell?” Rin murmured and quickly flipped through the rest. Every photo from various years featured Rin, and every time Sousuke appeared, his face had been roughly removed.

Rin paused on the photo from their ring exchange ceremony. Even this one, Rin was smiling up at scratches and a white mark behind where Sousuke’s face used to be.

Lowering the stack of photos, Rin picked up a map that had fallen to the floor. He unfolded it and recognized the Tokyo district where he had lived, and the area where Sousuke had drowned. It was circled in black marker.

Rin shoved the map and photos into the site box and dumped it into the plastic bin. He pushed it back into place and rushed down the ladder. He folded it quickly and left the room. In his haste he forgot to shut the closet.

 

* * *

Rin raced back to Haru’s house. There was a reasonable explanation about the photos and map. There had to be. But in the back of Rin’s mind, everything about Makoto that had seemed off clicked into a solution that couldn’t be real.

Makoto’s subtle anger each time Sousuke’s name came up could be written off as normal jealousy, but maybe not. But it was _Makoto_! The man who cared too much. The man who put the needs of everyone else before his own. There was no way Makoto had hated Sousuke so much to scratch his face from every photograph he owned.

Haru slid open his door after the second time Rin pressed into the doorbell. His eyes widened. “Rin?”

“Haru.” Rin closed his fist around the single picture he had brought with him. His words died on his tongue. Was he overreacting? Maybe the photos weren’t even Makoto’s.

Haru frowned and stepped aside. “Come in.”

Rin waited a moment and followed Haru. He closed the door and thought about locking it to ensure piracy, but Makoto probably had a key anyway. He left his shoes and walked after Haru.

“What’s wrong?” Haru asked, putting on his apron.

Rin uncurled his fist and stared at his image beside what was no longer Sousuke. “I found—” Rin still wasn’t sure what he found, but it twisted his stomach and cooled his blood. Something was wrong in the Tachibana house.

Haru leaned over and Rin turned the photo for him to see. Haru frowned. Rin had expected some sort of shock, but Haru seemed nonplussed by it.

“So?”

Rin scoffed. “This isn’t normal. There was a whole shoe box—maybe even two—of photographs like this one. Why would Makoto have this?”

“You’re upset.”

“Of course I am! You don’t do this to a person unless you—” Rin stopped before his emotions stirred out of control. “Haru,” he started again, calmer. “Did Makoto hate Sousuke?”

Haru returned to the simmering pot of the stove. “A couple of photographs don’t mean anything.”

“It was more than a couple, and he doesn’t like it when Sousuke is mentioned.”

“Do you like it when Makoto mentions his exes?”

“He never has.”

“Makoto is considerate of your feelings.”

Rin sighed. His initial freak out had subsided, but now questions bombarded his thoughts. “I also found a map. Was Makoto really at your training camp?”

Haru stopped stirring and looked at Rin. “You’re being paranoid. It’s just a few photos in an attic. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“You’re probably right.” Rin studied the damage on the picture. Haru’s words sunk deeper. “Haru? I didn’t say where I found them. How did you know they were in the attic?” Haru frowned and Rin’s heartbeat rocketed. “You knew. You knew about these, and you know why Makoto has them.”

Haru turned his head back toward the stove. “It’s nothing, Rin. Go home.”

“It’s not nothing! He had a map marked where Sousuke died. Did Makoto do something more to Sousuke than scratching out a picture?”

“Rin!” Haru dropped his ladle into the pot. “Go home.”

Rin took a step back. “Don’t. If you can’t even deny it—”

“I don’t know everything Makoto does.”

“But you know this.”

Haru huffed. “Makoto has loved you since high school. He and Sousuke grew apart _because_ of you. But Makoto has never stopped wanting you. No matter what, Makoto loves you. He’ll make you happy. “

Rin shook his head. “That’s—that’s fine. But this—”

“If you want to know anything else, ask Makoto.”

“Did he hurt—?”

The door opened and Rin spun around. Makoto stood in the doorway with a gentle smile. “There you are. I was worried, Rin.”

Rin glanced at the empty space at Makoto’s side, and fear clenched his chest. “Where’s Noriko?”

“She’s with my parents.”

Rin relaxed but he found it hard to breathe under Makoto’s steady gaze.

“You have a question for me,” Makoto said. “About something in the attic.” His smile Rin had fallen in love with now chilled his blood. “You left the closet open.”

Rin looked down at the photo in his fist. He unrolled it and held it out so Makoto could see. “What did you do, Makoto?”

Makoto tilted his head and smiled. “Childish things. It’s embarrassing now, but I’ve grown out of such habits.”

“Habits?” Rin lowered his arm. “You were in love with be and sat by while I started a life with Sousuke. Did this habit make it bearable?”

Makoto’s gaze shifted to Haru. “Haru-chan, what did you say to Rin?”

Haru clicked off the burner. “I told him you’re considerate of his feelings, Makoto.”

“Haru, don’t play games,” Makoto warned. His tone twisted Rin’s gut.

“Makoto,” Rin took a step forward, leading with the photograph still I’m his hand. “I need a better explanation.” He loved Makoto. He _trusted_ him. Makoto would have a reasonable explanation.

“Rin.” Makoto sighed. “Sousuke was helpful, but he served his purpose. Now I’ve made you happy. Nothing in the past changes that.”

Rin stumbled back and collided with the kitchen’s doorway. In his peripheral he could see the lack of any reaction from Haru. Rin’s world ripped apart at the seams and Haru had known.

“Sou—Sousuke drowned,” Rin started. “Was it an accident, Makoto?”

“It was regrettable what his death did to you, but you were able to heal. Why bring up painful memories?”

“Was it an accident?” Rin repeated. Makoto’s lack of instant denial gave him the truth he didn’t want. “Please, Makoto.”

“If it hadn’t been an accident, what would you do, Rin?”

Rin blinked, freeing a stream of tears to carve down his cheeks. “Makoto—”

“Rin. I loved you. I’ll always love you. Nothing will change that.”

“No.” Rin slipped to the floor. His heart split apart again, but this time fear mixed into the painful sorrow. The vice of grief seized his chest once again. Air refused to pass his throat.

“You need to breathe, Rin. For Noriko.” Makoto wrapped him into his arms, and Rin pushed him away. “Rin, don’t make things difficult.”

Makoto’s tone froze Rin’s fight. He sucked in air and blinked away tears. The Makoto who offered comfort wasn’t the Makoto who had had kissed him awake that morning.

“Who are you? When did you change?”

Makoto tilted his head and smiled. “I haven’t changed. You’ve just never looked before.”

“Did you hurt Sousuke?”

“He couldn’t do for you what I have, Rin. I did what was best.”

The truth ripped scar tissue from old wounds. Rin lowered his head and sobbed.

“Don’t cry, Rin. It doesn’t matter which path lead you here. Don’t forget your happiness.”

 

* * *

Makoto carried Noriko back home and Rin walked beside him. That morning he would’ve enjoyed Makoto’s hand around his, but that night it felt like a shackle Rin couldn’t remove.

Once home, Rin planted himself on the couch and Makoto took Noriko into to kitchen, asking for her help with dinner. It distracted her from Rin’s state. He was too devastated to offer even the weakest attempt of a happy mask for Noriko’s sake.

He mourned for Sousuke as if the wound was fresh, but also for the Makoto he lost. Beneath the sorrow, betrayal tinged his pain a new color. He wished to wake up from the nightmare, but knew not even his darkest dreams could create such torment.

Noriko crawled onto the couch beside Rin and dragged him from his thoughts. “You’re crying,” she stated. Rin smiled and pulled her into his arms. She returned the hug, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Are you crying because you’re happy?”

Rin glanced over Noriko’s head to Makoto watching them from the kitchen. He hugged Noriko a little tighter. If he had to continue forward, it would be for her.

“Yes, Noriko. I’m happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a stronger yandere!Makoto than originally intended lol.
> 
> one more chapter....


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin finds happiness again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end! My first multi-chapter fanfic is completed. Thank you for reading and for the comments! They kept me going. ;)  
> No beta again this time and I fully admit I got lazy with the dialogue tags because there is just. so. much. talking. in this chapter...but I hope you like it.  
> Enjoy the wrap up. ;)

**Chapter Ten**

Thre days later Rin sat at the kitchen table, watching Noriko play in the living room. Behind him, Makoto washed the dishes from dinner.

“Do you need anything, Rin?”

Rin flinched at Makoto’s voice. “No.”

“You’ll have to forgive me one day.” Makoto kissed his cheek and left him alone.

The warmth that had once flooded his chest after every touch had been replaced with an ache Rin couldn’t pinpoint.

“Noriko.” Makoto knelt beside her. “It’s time for a bath and then a bedtime story. Which book do you want to read tonight?”

Noriko swayed on her feet, mulling her options. “Rabbit,” she decided.

The children’s story about Rabbit and Wolf and their friend Frog. Wolf tried to eat both Rabbit and Frog, but Rabbit and Frog taught Wolf that he shouldn’t harm his friends. In a story created for young minds, Rabbit and Frog tamed a wolf to go against his nature and reached a happy ending.

“Good choice, Noriko.” Makoto tilted his head and smiled.

Rin studied Makoto’s gentle expression reserved especially for Noriko, Rin, and the Tachibana family. Rin didn’t know which side of Makoto was real, but no one could pretend to be as sweet as Makoto for as long as he had.

“Go upstairs and pick what pajamas you want to wear,” Makoto instructed. “I’ll be up soon.”

“Okay!” Noriko rushed over to Rin’s side. “Good night.”

Rin picked her up for a hug and set her back on her feet. “Good night, Noriko.”

She grinned and rushed away. Her socks slid on the hardwood floor when she turned the corner. Rin smiled until he felt Makoto’s gaze on him.

“Rin.” Makoto crouched beside Rin’s chair. “I don’t like seeing you upset.”

“I’m not upset.”

“Rin. You’ve never been able to hide your emotions.”

Rin scoffed. “Upset” was an understatement.

“Will you come back to our bed tonight?” Makoto touched Rin’s cheek.

Rin pushed to his feet and shoved away from Makoto, toppling the chair over in his haste to put space between them. Makoto observed Rin for a moment before he stood and righted the chair. Rin had seen that pained expression before. He had deeply hurt Makoto.

His fear prevented guilt from being the cause of Makoto’s kicked puppy face.

“I’m sorry, Rin.”

“You—”

“You think the worst.” Makoto looked up and held Rin’s gaze. His pained expression replaced with something that forced Rin back another step. “You don’t know what happened.”

Rin swallowed. The front door opened and Haru announced his intrusion and saved Rin from the conversation he had managed to avoid for three nights. Although Rin still trusted Haru, he trusted him less than he had prior to the discovery of the photographs.

“Haru,” Makoto said. “What are you doing here?”

Haru studied Rin and Makoto, and then the space between them. “I want to talk to Rin.”

“Haru,” Makoto began but Haru narrowed his eyes.

“Don’t blame me.”

Makoto sighed. “Fine. I’ll be upstairs.” He gave Rin another glance and headed for the stairs.

Haru sat down at the table, but Rin waited for Makoto’s steps to fade away before he joined him. “You’re still here,” Haru started.

“Where would I go?” Rin watched the hallway. “I thought about taking Noriko back to Tokyo and living near Gou and Seijuro, but that would put them at risk, wouldn’t it?” The thought of losing Gou the same way he lost Sousuke twisted Rin’s stomach. “I could take Noriko to Australia. I don’t think Makoto would go that far.”

“And if he did?”

“I don’t know.” Rin looked at Haru. “Why are you still here?”

“It’s easier to work with Makoto than against him.”

“Is that what you’ve done?”

“Yes. Makoto has your best interests in mind.”

Rin scoffed. Best interests but horrible intentions. “He made you retire, didn’t he?”

“For you. So I could be here for you.”

“I didn’t want that.”

“Makoto rarely goes off of spoken requests.”

Rin glanced at the hallway again. “Did you know what happened to Sousuke?”

“No. I could only guess Makoto removed an obstacle.”

Rin inhaled sharply. An _obstacle_. “Why are you friends with Makoto if you knew how he really is?”

“I’ve always been at Makoto’s side. It wouldn’t change anything if I decided to leave.”

“You mean Makoto wouldn’t have allowed it.”

“Probably.”

“So he’s always been this way?”

“More or less.”

“Shouldn’t the police be involved?”

“Who would believe you if you told him Makoto hurt Sousuke?”

Rin lowered his gaze. Haru was right. Anyone who knew Makoto would think Rin was insane over such a claim. Last week, Rin would’ve thought the same.

“For a long time, Makoto loved you,” Haru said. “But he didn’t want you.”

“What does that mean?”

“Makoto has always wanted a family, and you had made it clear that your career was the only thing you wanted. Makoto stepped aside for Sousuke, because you couldn’t give him what he wanted with you.”

“Noriko changed his mind.”

“Yes. I think Makoto knew if anyone could convince you to have a family, it would’ve been Sousuke.”

Rin covered his mouth until the rush of sudden nausea subsided. “Makoto used Sousuke?”

“Probably.”

The situation wasn’t one Rin had ever believed he’d find himself in. It was something characters on a TV show dealt with, not real life people from a quiet sea side town.

“Makoto will ensure your happiness if you cooperate,” Haru said.

“How could I be happy knowing he murdered Sousuke?”

“You won’t be happy without him. It’s better to stay and move forward.”

“No.” Rin swallowed. “I’ll think of a way out. For the both of us.”

“Don’t include me.”

“What? Why?”

“Certain battles won’t end well. If you leave, I don’t need Makoto unhappy with me.”

“Haru—”

“It’s just easier that way. But I still think you should forget about it and go back to how happy you were.”

“I can’t just forget it.”

“Play Makoto’s game and allow yourself to be happy, Rin. It’s best that way.”

 

* * *

 

Rin headed upstairs and looked into Noriko’s room. Makoto seemed like the same gentle father he had always been with her, but now Rin knew the secrets behind his sunshine smiles and warm laughter.

“Daddy!” Noriko slipped out of bed and rushed to the doorway. Rin crouched and swept her into his arms.

“It doesn’t sound like you’re sleepy.”

Noriko giggled. “No. There hasn’t been a story.”

“Oh.” Rin spotted Makoto’s smile. It hinted at only joy, not malice.

“Are you staying?” Noriko asked.

Rin caught Makoto’s curious gaze. “Yeah. I’ll stay.” He carried her to bed and sat down. She crawled between them and under the covers.

Makoto gave Rin one of his sweet smiles full of nothing but tenderness and fondness. Rin wouldn’t attempt to return it. It wouldn’t look right. Not with fear of the cruelty he now understood Makoto concealed behind such beautiful expressions.

But he would sit beside his daughter and listen to Makoto read the story about Rabbit and Wolf, and no longer marvel at Makoto’s ability to alter his voice to fit a character.

 

* * *

 

Noriko was asleep before the story ended. Rin joined Makoto in the hallway but didn’t follow when he walked toward their shared bedroom. He had slept in the guest room since that night at Haru’s, but as he stood alone in the hall, Haru’s advice resurfaced.

Play Makoto’s game.

Rin would prefer to hand Makoto to the proper authority, but any proof from the attic would be gone. And to protect himself, Haru would remain silently on Makoto’s side. Rin was alone. If he worked against Makoto, he’d be placing himself and others in potential harm. He had no idea what Makoto would do if Rin’s behavior became less than his perfect ideal.

The option to ensure harmony was to follow Haru’s advice and allow Makoto the ability to make Rin happy.

Rin walked to the end of the hall and pushed opened the door. Makoto looked up and surprise crossed his features.

“Rin?”

“I need to know. Certain things. Before I can forget what happened.”

Makoto smiled. “Does that mean you’re willing to forgive me?”

“Yeah. Eventually.” Tears burned Rin’s eyes. It hurt to lie but he needed Makoto on his side. 

“Small steps.”

“Yeah.” Rin touched his chest where the vice of grief tightened to unbearable strength.

 

* * *

 

After four months, Noriko turned three and snow covered the ground. Rin followed his excited daughter downstairs. She jumped onto the couch beside Makoto.

“Can I go outside?” she asked.

“What was Dad’s answer?” Makoto chuckled at her resulting pout. “Maybe after breakfast we’ll play in the garden.”

“But dad’s going outside.”

Makoto smiled and looked at Rin. “He won’t be playing.”

Rin checked the time. Guided by Makoto’s suggestion two months ago, Haru and Rin had started a morning ritual of a twenty minute jog. “Haru will be here soon. I’ll be back before breakfast.”

“Tell Haru he can join us.”

“I always do.” Rin kissed Noriko’s head and accepted Makoto’s kiss on his cheek.

“Have fun,” Makoto said and Rin nodded.

 

* * *

 

Rin jogged between Haru and the ocean. The early hour and the fresh snow had made their run private and slower than usual. Before reaching the point where they’d turn and head back, Rin slowed and stopped. Haru continued forward a few steps until he also stopped.

“I've decided what to do about Makoto,” Rin said. Haru watched him with unwavering blue eyes, prompting an explanation. “I'll get whatever I can as evidence—”

“No.”

“What?”

Haru looked at the ocean. “Involving the police will make Makoto your enemy. Imagine what that'll do to Noriko.”

“Makoto needs help, Haru. At the very least. Maybe I can convince him into counseling by suggesting a couple’s session or something.”

“You should forget about it, Rin. I've already told you—”

“We're in this together Haru.”

“We're not.”

Rin sighed. “Makoto rules both our lives with fear. You can’t deny that.”

“I'm not afraid.”

Rin scoffed but kept his frustrated anger in check. “You called me the morning after you injured your knee. At the time I thought you were just bring typical weird Haru, but I understand now you called to know what Makoto had done after you lied to him. After learning he called your manager and would know the truth, you hung up. You were afraid of what Makoto would do next.”

Haru narrowed his eyes but nodded. “I expected I’d need to intervene his decision to harm a teammate. But he decided against it without me.”

“If Makoto doesn't get help in some form, you might be next. What if he thinks you're in his way just like Sousuke?”

“I love Makoto and I love you. I reuse to pick a side and I won't agree to disrupt the balance.”

“Balance? Haru, he isn't the friend we had in swim club or high school.”

“He is.”

Rin blew out a frustrated sigh. Haru was as stubborn as ever. “If I do something—”

“I won't help you.”

“I got it.” Rin stepped aside for Haru to start back first. Haru wasn't like Makoto, but he was too far gone to pull back.

Haru stopped and spoke over his shoulder. “Rin. I did try to stop this. I tried to fix it before it went too far. But you're past the point you could've walked away.”

Rin nodded. Haru’s aide had reached an expiration date. “I was happy then, Haru.”

“I'm sorry.”

Rin studied the ocean and listened to Haru's steps retreat.

 

* * *

 

Rin returned alone. Noriko greeted him with a hug and returned to her toys in the living room. He continued into the kitchen where Makoto prepared breakfast and sat down at the table.

“No Haru?”

“He went home.”

Makoto frowned but said nothing further about Haru.

“Do you need help?” Rin asked.

“We’re out of eggs.”

“Do you need me to run down the street and get some?”

“Could you? It’s fine without but—”

“I’ll go.”

Makoto smiled and exhaled his relief. “Thank you.”

Rin stood and called to Noriko. “Go get a sweater, Noriko. We’re walking to the store.”

Noriko squeaked and rushed for the stairs. Rin smiled. After four months, he had an easier time ignoring things for her benefit.

“Rin.”

Rin hadn’t heard Makoto’s lowered tone since he had destroyed the illusion of their perfect life with a good intentioned trip into the attic. He frowned and turned. “What is it?”

“Gou called when you were gone. She wanted to know if you had decided on a date.”

“Oh.” Rin nodded. “She asked last night if I’d bring Noriko to visit.”

“By yourself?”

“There isn’t a reason for all three of us to go, but I’m sure she’ll love to see you too.”

“I like Gou. I don’t know Seijuro very well, but he seems nice too.”

The warning was clear enough. “It wasn’t anything more than a visit, Makoto.”

Makoto chuckled and tilted his head. “I know, Rin. I hope you have fun.”

Rin opened his mouth to argue against Makoto’s scare tactics, but Noriko jumped down the stairs and prevented further conversation.

“Have fun in the snow, but don’t take too long.” Makoto left a kiss across Rin’s cheek and headed toward the front door to help Noriko with her jacket and boots.

Rin inhaled a deep breath, shoved down the tatters of emotions he dared not show, and marched to the door with his usual grin.

 

* * *

 

Rin paused on the sidewalk and watched the snow gather. Noriko let go of his hand and crouched. She made a ball of snow and admired it.

The train station wasn’t far. Rin could take Noriko on the next departing train and worry about location later. They could be outside of Iwatobi before Makoto suspected they wouldn’t return from their errand.

But how long would the freedom last? Rin had to do something, but he had no available outside help. He was alone. Makoto had isolated him and Rin had been a willful accomplice in the construction of his cage.

“Dad, look.”

Rin lowered his gaze to the smooth ball in Noriko’s hands. “It’s beautiful.”

“I did it myself. It was really hard.”

“It looks cold.”

“It is.”

Rin patted her knit hat and directed her toward the store. He knew his only option and would move forward for Noriko.

 

* * *

**EPILOGUE**

“Hey, Rin!”

Rin stopped and looked back. The arm raised in greeting belonged to a familiar puff of pink hair.

“Kisumi?” Rin turned but waited for the other to jog up to him. The spring air carried a mixed scent of ocean and flowers.

“It’s been a while.” Kisumi reached him and smiled at the young girl at Rin’s side. “Wow. Is that Noriko?”

Rin looked down at his daughter. She was now five. Her hair had darkened which reminded Rin of Sousuke, and her eyes had lightened to a shade of green that reminded Rin of Makoto.

“Yes,” Rin answered. “Noriko this is Kisumi. You probably don’t remember him.”

“The last time I saw you two was just after—” Kisumi dropped his sentence and recovered without a hitch. They hadn’t seen each other since Sousuke’s funeral. “I’m glad I ran into you.”

“Are you back?” Rin asked with a smile to conceal his hope that Kisumi hadn’t returned permanently. It would complicate things because Kisumi complicated things simply by existing.

“No. I brought the family to see my parents. Spring is the perfect time to visit.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Are you still in Makoto’s house?”

“Yeah. Makoto had transferred ownership to me last year. I have no reason to leave.”

Kisumi’s smile faltered. “I heard about...” he motioned vaguely with his hand. Not many would bring Makoto up with Rin anymore. “I’m sorry about it.”

“Thank you. We need to go. Nice seeing you, Kisumi.”

Kisumi frowned but said nothing about Rin’s dismissal. “See you later, Rin.”

Rin took Noriko’s hand and headed down the hill toward the ocean. Noriko liked the beach. Rin ignored the water.

 

* * *

 

Rin sat near the steps and kept a careful eye on Noriko. The weather was warm enough for running barefoot in the sand, but not for swimming.

Footsteps approached and Rin was unmoved when Haru sat beside him. Together they watched Noriko play in the sand for a long time before Haru finally spoke.

“Where’s Makoto?”

“Asking me daily won’t change my answer. I don’t know.”

“You do.”

Rin watched Noriko kick the waves and laugh. He thought he should issue a gentle reminder about the no water rule but let it slid. It wasn’t cold enough for a few splashes from the shore.

“Makoto left, Haru,” Rin said. “You’re free to do whatever you want now. You could even come out of retirement and change that recluse title you’ve earned, or do whatever else you can dream up.”

“I could do all that before.”

Rin chuckled without humor. “Makoto never forced you, but you weren’t as free as you thought.”

“Where is he?”

“No one questions his disappearance anymore but you. Maybe even his siblings had experienced his other side and are secretly grateful he left.”

“We both know Makoto wouldn’t just leave.”

“Well, he did. The police believe something terrible happened to him wherever he went. Maybe he was murdered during a mugging. Or tripped into a river. No one knows, Haru.” Rin stood and called to Noriko. “We need to go home, Noriko.”

“Okay!” She yelled and scrambled for her sandals.

“Makoto will be found, Rin.”

“Haru.” Rin faced him with unwavering composure. “The ocean stretches around the world. Makoto won’t be found.”

Noriko reached them and took Rin’s hand. “Haru!” She greeted with a smile that wasn’t shared.

Haru stared at Rin, glanced at Noriko, turned, and walked away.

“What’s wrong with Haru?”

Rin studied Haru’s calm retreat. Despite everything Makoto had done, Haru had remained his friend. Caught between Makoto and Rin, Haru had tried to remain neutral, but ultimately picked Makoto’s side.

“I think he just realized the friends he kept were very similar.”

Noriko tilted her head and sighed. “What?”

“Nothing. Let’s go home. We have visitors tonight.”

 

* * *

 

“Rin-san, your garden is very beautiful,” Rei exclaimed, admiring the yard from the opened porch door. At night the light from the house was enough illumination. “When did you plant the tree?”

“It was a present from Makoto.” Rin studied the cherry blossoms. The tree was still young, but it had bloomed fully that year.

“Before Mako-chan left?” Nagisa asked from the couch and Rei made a noise of distress.

“Nagisa-kun, it’s impolite to bring up—”

“It’s fine, Rei.” Rin offered him a reassuring smile. “It’s been a year. Noriko and I have both moved on. He isn’t coming home.”

“I’m sorry, Rin-chan.” Nagisa rested his cheek on the back of the couch. “It isn’t like Mako-chan to be so mean and not come home. I wonder what happened to him.”

“It was supposed to be a quick trip—that’s what he told me before be left.” Rin walked into the kitchen. “But plans don’t always work out.”

“You seem different, Rin-chan.”

“Nagisa-kun! Rin-san has good reason to seem different. And age matures everyone anyway.”

“I don’t mean sad or mature,” Nagisa defended. “He’s less emotional than he was.”

Rei made a pained noise at Nagisa’s bluntness and Rin smiled softly.

“He’s right, Rei. Emotions made the most difficult parts of my life worse, so I had to adapt. It’s only normal.”

Rei and Nagisa nodded solemnly. They thought Sousuke’s tragic death, and Makoto’s uncharacteristic abandonment. The truth would stay with Rin alone.

“You’ve made a beautiful home here for Noriko,” Rei said. “I hope you can find happiness again.”

Rin smiled and returned to Rei’s side to view the garden in the back yard. He had laid to rest his past with Sousuke in the ocean. It was beneficial to have Haru believe he’d taint that sacred ground with Makoto, but Makoto never left home.

“Do you think you’ll ever sell the property, Rin-san?”

Rin watched the cherry blossoms sway in the breeze. He couldn’t risk the next homeowner digging up his secret under the young tree. Even without life, Makoto had ensured Rin’s place in Iwatobi.

But it wasn’t bad. Rin liked his hometown.

“No. I’m happy here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted it ambiguous...but still clear where Makoto is...

**Author's Note:**

> This was taken from a post/prompt on tumblr (spoilers - otp-tears.tumblr.com/post/118095644509/i-read-a-doujinshi-where-rin-and-makoto-are) and expanded on because I can't seem to write anything under 10k and grieving Rin was fun to write.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr otp-tears.tumblr.com
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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